Is it okay to be an introvert?

Yes, it’s okay to be an introvert—or someone who enjoys spending time by themselves. You might feel pressure to change when you see people being praised for being outgoing or social, but not only is there nothing wrong with being introverted, there are a lot of strengths to being an introvert. It’s also just your preference about how you spend time and feel energy.

It’s important to understand what an introvert is, and the difference between being someone who likes to spend time alone and someone who is lonely.

How do I know if I’m an introvert?

Taking time to think about your experiences can help you determine whether you are an introvert.

What is an introvert?

An introvert is someone who gets their energy from spending time alone. They feel fulfilled in solitude or in low-stimulation environments. [1] For example, they may enjoy spending time at home, reading books, or doing other solo activities. Introverts are thinkers who enjoy reflection and introspection—or looking inward to understand their thoughts and feelings more deeply. [1] If spending time alone makes you feel good, then there’s a good chance that you’re an introvert.

Here are more examples of traits of someone who is an introvert [1][2]

• Likes quieter settings, spaces, and environments
• Prefers to have a small group of friends
• Daydreams, reflects, or imagines often
• Takes a while to get used to new people or spaces
• Listens and observes before giving an opinion or acting

This list may not 100% represent your experiences. But if many of these characteristics fit your personality or preferences, then there’s a chance that you are more introverted than extroverted—or energized by being around others or in social situations.

Introversion is not a label that defines who you are, and it is a quality that can change over time. Many people experience changes between introversion and extroversion as they transition from youth to adulthood or after experiencing big life changes.

Am I an introvert or socially anxious?

If social situations make you anxious, overwhelmed, or frustrated, and this is keeping you from the relationships you want, that’s different from wanting to be alone and enjoying that time. You could be experiencing social anxiety.

Remember that being introverted is about where you recharge and what you prefer to do. For example, it may not be what they prefer, but many introverts still enjoy spending time with a small group of friends and loved ones.

Ask yourself: Do I feel bad about being an introvert, and why? Is not wanting to spend time with others a preference? Or am I avoiding or dreading being around certain people, things, or situations? Feeling bad or guilty about not hanging out with the people you want to, but can’t, is a good sign that social anxiety may be getting in the way of your relationships.

How do I know if I’m an introvert or if I’m lonely?

To know if you are an introvert or if you are lonely, think about how you feel when you are by yourself. If you are by yourself and feel sad, miss others, or wish you had more connections, then you may be lonely.

It’s important to ask yourself: How long have I felt lonely?

While loneliness is a deep emotion that many people experience from time to time—introverted, extroverted, or somewhere in between—it’s usually temporary. For example, experiencing a major change in your life, like a move, finding new friends, going to college, graduating, or leaving a job, are all life circumstances that can lead to loneliness. But if you have been feeling lonely for a year or more, then it’s a sign that something else could be going on.

What can I do to feel better if I’m lonely?

If you are feeling lonely, here are some things that you can try to feel better:

• Name your feelings. Is this feeling of loneliness coming from social anxiety? Naming your feelings is the first step to understanding them. When you know what you are feeling, you can begin to face it. Our feelings communicate a need, and knowing what we need helps us figure out how we can fulfill it.
• Reflect on your experiences. Did something happen in your past that increased feelings of loneliness—like a breakup, a move, a loss, or a big change in your life? Have you addressed this past and healed from this trauma? Is this something that is still holding you back? Taking time to reflect can help you think about why you feel lonely and how you can start to feel better.
• Practice social skills. Practicing social skills in small steps in safe places can help with loneliness. For example, you can reconnect with a supportive family member or old friend, meet people who share similar interests, or participate in structured activities, like group therapy or walking groups in your area. If you are not sure where to start, you can call into a warmline—a non-emergency line usually staffed by a peer—and talk to someone. The goal of taking these steps is not to get too worried about building whole relationships, but to focus on reaching out, finding a group, and taking steps forward.
• Go outside. Sometimes talking to people can feel like too much, and that’s okay. You can start by going outside where people are, but not interacting with them. Taking time to go to a public place like a park, library, or grocery store can make a difference because just being around people can help with feelings of loneliness.
• Spend time with your pets. Connecting with your pet can help combat feelings of loneliness. They can provide love, support, and joy when you need it. For some people, talking to their pets can also be a starting point for practicing social skills with others. But it’s important to reflect on that, while you may be comfortable talking to your pet in a certain way, this may not be the same way that you would speak to another person.

Loneliness is an experience that can change. But if you have been feeling lonely for a while and don’t feel like you can take steps to move forward on your own, then this may be a symptom of social anxiety. People with social anxiety experience more isolation and loneliness than those without social anxiety.  Having social anxiety that isn’t addressed for a long time can lead to chronic loneliness, where you feel trapped about how to make connections with others.

While it’s not a formal diagnosis, it might be worth it to take our social anxiety test. This can be the first step toward understanding your experiences and figuring out your next steps.

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