Me da miedo decirle a alguien que me siento deprimido.

There are many reasons why we might be afraid to tell anyone why we’re depressed. A lot of times, we don’t want to feel like we are burdening the people who love and care about us with our own problems and struggles. Or maybe we’re worried about their reaction to us sharing that we’ve been dealing with depression.

But there’s a saying in recovery circles: secrets keep us sick. When we don’t tell others about what we’re going through, we don’t give them the opportunity to support us. Even if we build up the fear of how they will react, when we keep things inside, we don’t give others the chance to show up and be there to listen, give perspective, or even help us with our depression.

The truth is that we don’t have to carry our depression alone. And we have the power to decide who to tell and what we want to say. Even if the conversation doesn’t go as expected, there’s power in telling. Though it’s okay to be scared, things will only get better if you tell someone.

Why am I afraid to tell anyone I’m depressed?

It’s important to reflect and ask yourself: Why am I afraid to tell anyone I’m depressed? 

Reflecting on this question can help you discover what’s stopping you from sharing and figure out your next steps. The truth is that there could be a variety of reasons why you might be afraid to tell someone that you’re depressed.

For example,

• We don’t want to be a burden. Many people feel this way. We might think our loved ones are already going through enough, and it isn’t fair to burden them with our problems. But when we think like this, we aren’t being fair to ourselves. There’s a good chance that the people we’ve supported in the past want to support us too.
• We watched someone share their struggles, and they weren’t supported. Sometimes our fear comes from experience. Maybe someone we know shared about their mental health struggles and was met with anger, denial, hostility, or ignored. So, we don’t share because we want to protect ourselves. This is a valid concern, but it shouldn’t stop us from telling someone what we are going through. If our friends and family won’t be supportive, there are many others we can reach out to for support.
• We’re not sure if we’re realmente depressed or if it’s en realidad serious. Sometimes we convince ourselves that our depression isn’t really that “bad”, and it’s something that we can handle on our own. But the fact that you are reading this article means that your depression is noticeable to you and may be impacting your life. Things don’t have to be “bad” for you to tell someone. If your depression is bothering you—even a little—you can still reach out for support. Instead of waiting for things to get worse, taking action can help make things get better.

All of these are examples of the shame that we feel when we don’t want to tell others about our depression. And sometimes, shame can be the loudest voice when you want to disclose something so personal to others.

But you can work through this! Working through your shame will help you start to figure out who you want to talk to, prepare for the conversation, and figure out your goals. Understanding where your shame comes from can help you discover what you need and how to get those needs met.

I don’t know what to do next about my depression

To figure out what you need, think about what you want. Think about what your goal will be when you are finally ready to tell someone. Are you looking for connection and understanding? Or to let go of shame? Are you looking to just let yourself feel your feelings? Or are you looking for information and resources? Maybe it’s a combination of all these things.

Think about which next step feels comfortable for you and take that step to get your need met. Take a moment and ask yourself: What do I need? 

• I need space to feel my feelings. It’s normal to be overwhelmed with the grief that something is wrong, and you don’t know how to tackle it. Give yourself grace. If before you talk to someone, you need to cry, let yourself cry. Sometimes, we need to give ourselves space to feel, let go, and breathe before we are ready to talk to someone else.
• I need to let go of shame. If you want to let go of shame, then talk to your loved ones or others who love and support you. Sometimes, when we don’t feel good about ourselves, our loved ones can offer perspectives to help us feel seen, heard, validated, and better. Shame often grows when we keep our thoughts to ourselves, but sharing our troubles with people we feel safe with can help us let it go.
• I need connection and understanding. We can find connection and understanding in community with others who have been where we are. This could mean finding, reading, and watching others’ stories. This could look like attending a support group meeting with others who have depression to hear their perspectives or have them listen to yours. It can also be talking to people you know—family, friends, or others—who have similar experiences. It’s validating to know that we aren’t alone, and this can help us overcome fear.
• I need more information. Sometimes, all we want is to understand what we are going through. Taking time to research, learn, and visit online forums can help us do that. When we take the time to understand depression and how it affects us, then we can learn how to deal with it and begin to heal.

This list includes examples of your next steps, but it’s not all you can do. It’s about finding the next step that feels right for you. Once you understand what you need, you know what direction to go in and the actions you can take toward your own healing and feeling better.  And when you’re ready, tell someone about your depression. Remember, you are not alone, and you don’t have to deal with depression alone.