{"id":131416,"date":"2023-06-02T13:26:23","date_gmt":"2023-06-02T17:26:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/screening.mhanational.org\/?post_type=article&p=131416"},"modified":"2025-11-17T15:07:21","modified_gmt":"2025-11-17T20:07:21","slug":"i-dont-want-to-give-up-on-my-loved-one-with-an-addiction-but-im-burned-out","status":"publish","type":"article","link":"https:\/\/screening.mhanational.org\/es\/content\/i-dont-want-to-give-up-on-my-loved-one-with-an-addiction-but-im-burned-out\/","title":{"rendered":"No quiero renunciar a mi ser querido con adicci\u00f3n, pero estoy agotado."},"content":{"rendered":"

Taking care of a loved one with an addiction<\/a> can burn you out. This is normal. The main thing is to take care of yourself first, then you can help your loved one. And if you need to walk away from the situation because it\u2019s just too much\u2014that is OK too.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s normal to have caregiver burnout<\/a> when your loved one has an addiction. Addiction is complicated<\/a> and difficult to treat. It\u2019s a serious, lifelong illness of the body and mind where the brain becomes compromised over time. Living with someone with an addiction can make you on edge or depressed.[1] And you deserve to give yourself a break. Your feelings are valid and real. It\u2019s OK to grieve and feel lost when someone you love has an addiction.<\/p>\n

Relationships change over time.<\/h2>\n

Addiction makes relationships hard. When someone has an addiction, they are in one crisis after another until they get into recovery. They realize that the best way for them to get attention is to be sick. You must allow them to get into recovery and heal. Then you can have a relationship.<\/p>\n

At the beginning of their recovery process you might give a lot of your time, attention, and money to support them. Recovery takes a long time, especially if people have been addicted for a long time. Relapse is a part of recovery that makes it hard because it feels like the person is falling into the same traps and has to \u201cstart over.\u201d All together this is going to increase your frustration and may lower your sense of hope for your loved one.<\/p>\n

Put yourself first and identify your boundaries<\/h2>\n

Whether or how you choose to be there for your loved one depends on you. There are some relationships that are worth it, and some relationships that are not. You must determine what is best for you. It\u2019s always OK and best to put yourself first. Doing that doesn\u2019t make you selfish. And it makes having any relationship with your loved one healthier, especially in the long run.<\/p>\n

You are not responsible for your loved one’s health or happiness. It\u2019s like trying to carry a 200-pound boulder. You cannot carry it by yourself. There are things you can carry\u2014or do for your loved one if you want to.<\/p>\n

But DO NOT do something for your loved one if what you feel in your heart is that you don\u2019t want to do it\u2014 especially if it means putting yourself in emotional, financial, or physical harm. Doing something we don\u2019t want to do will lead to more anger and resentment. If you don\u2019t want to do something for any reason, this is where a boundary can be set<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Setting boundaries and giving support<\/h2>\n

Allowing people to experience their own pain is a part of recovery<\/a>. If you do too much for them then you become an enabler<\/a> and may be making things worse. [2] Saying no is the best thing you can do for yourself and for them. It\u2019s OK to step away because the risk of burnout, anger, and resentment will hurt the relationship in the long term. They may get mad at you and may stop talking to you, but this is normal.<\/p>\n

First set your boundaries. \u00a0\u201cIf you do not blank<\/u>, I will no longer be able to make myself available to you for blank<\/u>.<\/em>” You are not telling them what to do. You are telling them: here are the guidelines. For example, \u201cIf you do not stop calling me at night while you are drunk. And saying you want to die. I will not be able to take your calls.\u201d <\/em>They may not remember last night\u2019s conversation, so, keep repeating it until they get it. They may say you are abandoning them, but you are not. You just cannot take their behavior. And you must follow through and do what you said you would do. (Do not take the call.)\u00a0 It will be hard at first, but part of their recovery is learning to be accountable.<\/p>\n

Talk to someone<\/h2>\n

If you do get burned out, you need help. Whenever we\u2019re supporting someone through a serious illness, it\u2019s important to have someone to talk to<\/a>. This includes friends, family, and peers. At times one person can help you deal with it. Other times it may require help from several people.<\/p>\n

A good place to find someone to talk to is in Al Anon<\/a> meetings. If you\u2019re looking for more one-on one, intimate settings, or to process through significant pain (past trauma or complicated family history), you can talk to a therapist<\/a>.\u00a0 Or an addictionologist\u2014a doctor who is certified in addiction\/ substance use disorder medicine and treatment.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Show References<\/a><\/p>\n

\n
    \n
  1. Hendriksen, E. (2016, September 28). Is Depression Contagious?<\/em> Scientific American. https:\/\/www.scientificamerican.com\/article\/is-depression-contagious\/#:~:text=Depression%20is%20contagious%2C%20but%20it%27s,history%2C%20stress%2C%20and%20more<\/a><\/li>\n
  2. Juergens, J. (2023, May 18). 7 Signs Of An Enabler. <\/em>Addiction Center. https:\/\/www.addictioncenter.com\/treatment\/stage-intervention\/what-is-an-enabler\/<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/div>\n

     <\/p>\n

    MHA\u2019s addiction articles, our pathway, and DIY tools were made possible through generous funding by Elevance Health Foundation.<\/p>\n

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    Taking care of a loved one with an addiction can burn you out. This is normal. The main thing is to take care of yourself first, then you can help your loved one. And if you need to walk away from the situation because it\u2019s just too much\u2014that is OK too. It\u2019s normal to have … <\/p>\n

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