Feeling disconnected from your family or relatives can feel hurtful and lonely. You may argue with them, have difficulty seeing eye to eye on certain topics, or you may never get along with certain people in your family. And though it may be painful, it\u2019s okay to feel this way and you are not alone in this. You are not obligated to play nice, censor yourself, or diminish yourself in any way to keep the peace.<\/p>\n
People who identify as LGBTQ+ are especially at risk for difficult moments with family members. You may have a family member who uses your dead name<\/strong> (the name you were given at birth that you no longer use or identify with) because they refused to respect your identity. They may purposefully use the wrong pronouns<\/strong><\/a> for you because they disagree with who you are.<\/p>\n Some family members may bring up sensitive or triggering topics when you are around. For example,<\/p>\n Feeling upset or hurt when family members behave in these ways toward you is normal. Your feelings are valid, and you don\u2019t deserve to be mistreated for being yourself!<\/p>\n Identifying your triggers<\/strong><\/a> is a great first step toward a solution. If you know that a particular family member goes out of their way to be judgmental of you, then try to limit their access to you. You are not obligated to give them your time\u2014especially if they are not treating you with the kindness and acceptance you deserve.<\/p>\n Remember that everyone sees things through their own lens,<\/strong> and it is different from the way you view a situation. \u00a0The way we see the world is shaped by our lives and personal experiences and everyone has a unique story. There may be times when your family members can\u2019t or won\u2019t see things the way you do \u2013 and it\u2019s going to be very frustrating.<\/p>\n For some people, using radical honesty or pointing out the obvious is a great way to stop these behaviors in the moment. It\u2019s okay to tell someone that they hurt you<\/a>. You could say things like,<\/p>\n Don\u2019t be afraid to set boundaries<\/a> to protect and focus on your own mental wellness! Sometimes that means detaching mentally from a situation to protect your mental health. If someone is refusing to drop an issue or walk away, you may benefit from removing yourself mentally from the situation. And not engaging any further. The goal is to not let their words affect or alter your mental state.<\/p>\n But sometimes when a family member says something triggering, you might not feel able to respond right away. You may have a \u201cfreeze” response. Or maybe you\u2019re feeling exhausted that day. And that\u2019s okay. \u00a0If you don\u2019t stand up for yourself in the moment, you don\u2019t have to feel guilty or upset with yourself.<\/p>\n Giving yourself the time and space to process before responding is a way of showing yourself love. Maybe you want the time to go home and write down exactly what your boundaries are and how you want to communicate them. Then, you can try reaching out to that family member later to share how their words hurt you and how you would like to be treated going forward. It\u2019s okay to take time to figure out what your needs are and how you want to ask for them.<\/p>\n Coping skills are healthy strategies to manage your feelings when you\u2019re upset or stressed. Using coping skills can help to reduce the difficult emotions you are feeling and bring yourself back to your baseline \u2013 think of this as your average daily emotional state. Some examples of coping skills are<\/p>\n You can read more about coping strategies here<\/a>.<\/p>\n Remember in a difficult conversation to breathe<\/strong>, don\u2019t be afraid to take a second to slow down when you\u2019re feeling upset or overwhelmed. Identify the trigger <\/strong>(\u201cwhat they said\u201d), understand your reaction<\/strong> (\u201chow I felt\u201d), and find a solution<\/strong> (\u201cwhat I need\u201d).<\/p>\n You may never get along with some family members and that is okay! Your job is to prioritize yourself and your own happiness. You deserve to heal<\/a> from trauma and obtener ayuda<\/a> when you need it. Remember that you do not have to change yourself to make someone else feel comfortable.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Feeling disconnected from your family or relatives can feel hurtful and lonely. You may argue with them, have difficulty seeing eye to eye on certain topics, or you may never get along with certain people in your family. And though it may be painful, it\u2019s okay to feel this way and you are not alone … <\/p>\n\n
How it felt<\/h2>\n
What I need<\/h2>\n
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Learn and use healthy coping skills<\/h2>\n
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