When things get stressful, people often tell us to use our coping skills. But, in our heads, we might be thinking, “What are coping skills?” It’s a term that gets used a lot but isn’t always clearly defined.
Coping skills are activities that help us deal with stressful situations. We may have healthy or unhealthy coping skills, and knowing what they are can help us. Becoming aware of the coping skills we turn to, especially the unhealthy ones, can help us change them. Knowing what coping skills are healthy and work for us means we can lean on them when we need them.
Sometimes life is hard to accept on life’s terms. Healthy coping allows us to deal with what’s been thrown our way. Without these strategies, we may fall into unhealthy habits that can make things worse and lead to health, legal, financial, or mental health issues. Being intentional and practicing self-love in the ways we care for ourselves helps us heal.
What are unhealthy coping skills?
Unhealthy coping skills may help to relieve stress immediately but create more stress later. This is often what we will turn to if we have no plan in mind for when life happens. Some examples of unhealthy coping skills include:
- Using alcohol or substances
- Isolation
- Blaming others
- Anger or fighting
- Self-harm
- Self-sabotage
- Negative self-talk
- Emotional Eating
The way we learn our coping skills is by modeling how we see our caregivers and the people around us cope. If we see our caregivers and the people around us cope in healthy ways, then we learn healthy coping skills. If we see them cope in unhealthy ways, then we learn unhealthy coping skills.
Each of us could wind up doing this because we’re human. If you’ve found yourself coping in unhealthy ways, offer yourself some compassion, love, and the chance to start again. The good news is that we can always learn new ways to cope no matter what we have seen.
What are healthy coping skills?
Healthy coping skills are the activities we turn to that help us manage stress in a way that is good for our mental, emotional, and physical well-being. They won’t make all of our troubles or strong emotions go away. They don’t always bring instant gratification, but they relieve stress in the long run.
A few examples of healthy coping skills are:
- Exercise
- Listening to music
- Talking with trusted friends or family or a therapist
- Slowly counting to ten or choosing a number (like 100) and counting backward by 7
- Taking a time-out
- Using breathing techniques
- Getting some sun or sitting out in nature
- Going for a walk
- Journaling
- Attending a support group
If your feelings are intense, and you find that one healthy coping skill isn’t working, it’s okay to pause, take a moment, and try another. You may need to try a few different ways of managing before you find the coping skill that feels like the right fit at that moment.
Having good coping strategies increases our resiliency and mental health. Resilience is the ability to bounce back when life throws us challenges. Each of us has a unique set of coping skills that are as individual as we are. Knowing what works for us (and what doesn’t) allows us to practice and use skills that promote our mental and physical health. The more we use them, the more we come to see that we have the ability to face tough times and take care of ourselves
Remember, we can always add new healthy coping skills or remove ones that no longer work for us. Life happens to everyone, and we can learn to manage things healthily. It’s not too late to start!
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