There are many ways to be non-binary. It helps to think of gender as a spectrum because of how personal the experience is. Some people have begun to consider non-binary as a third gender to the binary, male or female. But being non-binary is so different for each person, that it cannot be defined as one gender experience.
Am I non-binary?
You may be nervous discovering your own non-binary identity because there isn’t a comprehensive list of what it looks or feels like to be non-binary. Most people grew up being taught about the binary gender experience. And being raised under the constant influence of the binary through things like cartoons, sitcoms, pop song lyrics, and even careers.
Though we don’t have one list of things to look out for, some signs that you may be gender non-conforming could include:
- Preferring gender neutral styles or clothing,
- Using products marketed to another gender,
- Feeling discomfort when someone uses assumed pronouns.
The most important thing to remember is that there is no one way to be non-binary. You may identify as transfem and present a feminine appearance, or transmasc and present a masculine appearance. Or you may identify as neither, or both genders. You might even feel your gender identity and the way you want to present your gender changes day by day, or hour by hour and that is okay!
Navigating the non-binary experience
You may face difficult, uncomfortable, disappointing, or even unsafe experiences when you express your gender differently than expected. You may find that the people who have always supported you start to pull away or make comments about your changes. It’s important that you protect yourself by finding people that support you and avoiding people that harm you.
You may experience gender dysphoria as a non-binary person. Gender dysphoria is when a person feels uncomfortable because their physical body and outward appearance do not match their gender identity. This is a normal feeling, and you don’t have to go through it alone.
If you need more or new support in your life, you can
- Reach out to local LGBTQIA organizations,
- Use hotlines to connect you with supports or services,
- Use the gender identity resources on the MHA National site,
- Or find a therapist to talk to about what you’re going through.
Navigating public spaces
Navigating public spaces like restrooms or gym locker rooms can be scary for someone who is gender non-conforming. You may have someone within these public spaces harass you, accuse you of being in the wrong space, or demand that you prove you belong in that space. You may have staff members ask you to leave public spaces because other people have made complaints.
Remember that you don’t owe them anything. You are not responsible for validating anyone’s view of your gender. You have the same right to use these public spaces privately. If you feel uncomfortable or that you are being harassed, here are a few safe ways to handle this.
- You could wait for the person to leave
- Have a friend go with you to the bathroom
- Get a staff member to help
These negative experiences can create anxiety or depression that can lead to suicidal thoughts or acts. You may become more aware or suspicious of your surroundings and fearful for your safety. These are normal feelings when you’re faced with the pressure to conform to what society finds comfortable.
Black people, Indigenous people, and People of Color are at higher risk for these discriminatory experiences. Not only do they face similar anti-trans instances, but they are also at risk because of the prejudices against people of color. That means they are under double the pressure and their mental health may be at risk. The human rights campaign has a list of resources for the mental health and well-being of queer and trans Black people, Indigenous people, and People of Color.
Living authentically and experiencing trans joy
There is no denying that being a gender non-conforming person today is really hard. But there are many moments of beauty and joy in embracing your identity! When you have support and community, and when you can express yourself unapologetically, you will find moments of true joy.
Experiencing gender euphoria as a non-binary person can feel fulfilling and validating. Think of it as the opposite of gender dysphoria. Gender euphoria is – when a person feels joyful because their physical body and outward appearance match their gender identity!
Remember to surround yourself with people who validate and celebrate your identity. There is space for us all in this world! LGBTQIA youth can use Q Chat Space to safely chat with other teens about the issues they face or other related topics.