What happens if my teacher knows I self-harm?

More than likely if a teacher found out that you self-harm, then they would tell someone. But the truth is that it’s complicated. While many teachers would, not every teacher would contact your parents. Some teachers may contact the school counselor, school administrator, school social worker, or school nurse, or talk to you directly.

Still, telling anyone—no matter who it is—can be scary especially if you are not ready for others to know about your self-harm. Others may react with strong emotions like sadness, hurt, anger, etc. because they are worried about you and your safety or for other reasons. Remember that how others react to your wounds and scars is not a reflection of you.

Why would my teacher tell?

It’s likely that your teacher is concerned about your health, well-being, and safety. They are not telling your parents or anyone else to punish you or get you in trouble. Part of their responsibility as your teacher is to make sure that you are okay and safe. And for most teachers, it is their duty to tell someone.

It may feel like a betrayal and that your teacher broke your trust by telling someone about your self-harm. Especially if they tell your parents. You may even be hurt, angry, or scared of what happens now. All of these feelings are real and valid.

Depending where you live, people like teachers, coaches, etc. are mandated reporters. In some states, all adults are mandated reporters. A mandatory reporter is someone who legally has to report suspected abuse and neglect. They often also report suicidal ideation, self-harm, and drug and alcohol use.

While this often varies by state, situation, and person, there is a chance that they may have to tell your family what’s going on. But if they are someone who has been there for you before, they may help you start the conversation with your family and offer more support.

What should I do if my teacher reports?

Having to share your self-harm before you are ready can feel overwhelming and unfair. You may feel like you are being forced to disclose something extremely private, and you may be worried that you will be judged, shamed, or rejected by your parents, loved ones, or others. This whole situation can leave you feeling vulnerable and unsupported.

The truth is that if you’ve been harming yourself for some time, then others are bound to find out at some point. Especially if you find yourself cutting or harming yourself more often than you used to. And if you find it harder to hide the wounds and the scars.

For example, your teacher may question why you are wearing a long-sleeved shirt in hot weather. Or a friend or parent might question why you don’t want to go to the beach or a pool. At some point, someone is going to notice either your self-harm or your behaviors and ask you about it.

But this doesn’t have to be a bad thing. This experience can become an opportunity to reflect and make some changes. And the people in your life—your teacher, parents, friends, or other loved ones—can help support you with changing.  They can assist you in finding better ways to address what you are experiencing instead of cutting, burning, or using other forms of self-harm.