What’s Underneath? (Identifying feelings)

People aren’t always great at identifying our true feelings.

When asked about their feelings, most people will usually say they feel: bad, sad, mad, good, or fine. But underneath “good, bad, sad, mad, or fine” are many words that better describe how we feel. Taking the time to slow down and identify what we are really experiencing can help us feel better and can improve our communication and relationships with others.

Once you identify what you’re really feeling, it might give you insight into how to ask for what you really need. For example: “I feel mad. But what I’m feeling deep down is vulnerable, unworthy, or unsafe. What I need because I feel unworthy is for you to say, ‘it’s not your fault and I love you.'”

If I stopped at “mad”, I might not be able to find out how to really address the negative things I’m feeling.

This worksheet from Mental Health America’s 2016 Mental Health Month Toolkit can help you dig deeper to understand your true feelings and needs.

 

Here’s a web-friendly version of the prompts from the worksheet:

  1. Think of a specific event that gave you a strong emotional reaction. This could be something you did, or something someone else did.
  2. Using the prompt below, fill in the blanks to identify what’s underneath.
  3. The feelings list further down this page can help you build your mental collection of feelings.

Prompt:

I felt _____ (bad / sad / mad / good / happy) when _________________ (action or event). But what I was really feeling was __________, __________, and __________.

This type of activity takes practice—but once you start doing it, you’ll find it gets easier over time.

Feelings list (negative emotions)

Basic emotion: Let’s go deeper!
Afraid Nervous, Dread, Frightened, Cowardly, Terrified, Alarmed, Panicked, Suspicious, Worried, Apprehensive
Agitated Bothered, Disoriented, Uncomfortable, Uneasy, Frenzied, Irritable, Rash, Offended, Disturbed, Troubled, Grumpy, Unsettled, Unnerved, Restless, Upset
Angry Furious, Livid, Irate, Resentful, Hate, Hostile, Aggressive, Worked up, Provoked, Miffed, Outrage, Defensive
Annoyed Irritated, Frustrated, Bothered, Impatient, Aggravated, Displeased, Exasperated, Disgruntled, Disturbed, Irked
Anxious Shaky, Distressed, Distraught, Edgy, Fidgety, Frazzled, Irritable, Jittery, Overwhelmed, Restless, Stressed, Preoccupied, Flustered
Confused Lost, Disoriented, Puzzled, Chaotic, Uncertain, Stuck, Indecisive, Foggy, Mistrust, Dazed, Baffled, Flustered, Perturbed, Perplexed, Hesitant, Immobilized, Ambivalent, Torn
Disconnected Lonely, Isolated, Bored, Distant, Removed, Detached, Separate, Broken, Cold, Aloof, Numb, Withdrawn, Rejected, Out-of-place, Apathetic, Indifferent, Misunderstood, Abandoned, Alienated
Disgust Appalled, Horrified, Dislike, Loathing, Disturbed, Repugnant, Contempt, Spiteful, Animosity, Hostile, Bitter
Disorganized Distracted, Disheveled, Bedraggled, Run-down, Confused, Discombobulated, Disjointed, Displaced, Jumbled, Out of sorts
Embarrassment Awkward, Self-conscious, Silly, Mortified, Humiliated, Flustered, Chagrined, Ashamed, Put down, Guilty, Disgraced
Envy Jealous, Rivalry, Competitive, Covetous, Resentful, Longing, Self-conscious, Insecure, Inadequate, Yearning, Nostalgic, Wistful
Helpless Paralyzed, Weak, Defenseless, Powerless, Invalid, Abandoned, Alone, Incapable, Useless, Inferior, Vulnerable, Empty, Distressed
Pain Hurt, Remorseful, Regretful, Disappointed, Guilty, Grief, Bereaved, Miserable, Agony, Anguish, Bruised, Crushed, Wounded
Sadness Heartbroken, Disappointed, Hopeless, Regretful, Depressed, Pessimistic, Melancholy, Sorrowful, Morbid, Heavy-hearted, Low, Blue, Gloomy, Miserable, Despair
Stress Tension, Pressure, Overwhelmed, Frazzled, Strain, Imbalanced, Worried, Uneasy, Cranky, Distraught, Dissatisfied, Weighed down, Overworked, Pounded, Anxious, Shocked, Frustrated
Tired Bored, Fatigued, Exhausted, Uninterested, Overworked, Worn out, Fed up, Drained, Weary, Burned out, Lethargic, Beat, Sleepy, Depleted
Vulnerable Insecure, Shaky, Open, Unsure, Exposed, Unguarded, Sensitive, Unsafe, Inferior, Raw, Weak, Judged, Inadequate

Feelings list (positive emotions)

Basic emotion: Let’s go deeper!
Admiration Adoration, Affection, Appreciation, Delight, Fondness, Pleasure, Wonder, Regard, Amazed, Amused
Affectionate Caring, Friendly, Loving, Sympathetic, Warm, Doting, Soft, Tender, Attached, Compassionate
Confident Bold, Courageous, Positive, Sure, Fearless, Optimistic, Encouraged, Safe, Powerful, Proud, Satisfied, Trusting, Secure, Brave, Empowered
Excited Enthusiastic, Delighted, Amazed, Passionate, Amused, Aroused, Alert, Piqued, Astonished, Dazzled, Energetic, Awakened, Eager, Charged
Exhilarated Blissful, Ecstatic, Elated, Enthralled, Exuberant, Radiant, Rapturous, Thrilled
Gratitude Thankful, Grateful, Moved, Touched, Appreciative, Graceful, Responsive, Recognized, Indebtedness
Included Engaged, Understood, Appreciated, Accepted, Acknowledged, Affirmed, Recognized, Welcomed, Connected, Supported, Belonging, Heard, Respected, Involved
Intrigued Absorbed, Fascinated, Interested, Charmed, Entertained, Captivated, Engaged, Engrossed, Curious, Surprised
Joyful Cheerful, Festive, Heartening, Lighthearted, Upbeat, Glad, Merry, Elated, Enjoyable, Euphoria, Delighted, Jubilant, Hopeful, Tickled, Pleased
Peaceful Calm, Quiet, Trusting, Fulfilled, Harmonious, Steady, Collected, Composed, Comfortable, Centered, Content, Relieved, Constant, Mellow, Level, Restful, Still, At ease, Satisfied, Relaxed, Clear, Reassured
Refreshed Stimulated, Replenished, Exhilarated, Reinvigorated, Revived, Enlivened, Restored, Liberated, Lively, Passionate, Vibrant, Rested

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