How do I deal with being ghosted?

Ghosting gets its name for a reason. A person, like a ghost, can vanish from your life as quickly as they appear in it. But there’s also something deeply unnerving about being rejected by someone close to you, especially when there’s no clear reason for it. Even though the term is relatively new, the experience of being ghosted isn’t. It’s like the “ambiguous loss” concept, as the lack of closure often leaves us asking, “What went wrong?”

You lose someone when they ghost you, and coping with being ghosted should be treated like grief. That means allowing yourself to sit with your sadness and understanding that healing might take a long time. It’ll seem impossible at first, but one day, it won’t be. One day, you’ll wake up, look back, and see how much your life has changed for the better. Even if that day is not today, trust it will come.

Why does being ghosted hurt so much?

At its core, ghosting is rejection, and rejection hurts. It doesn’t matter if it’s with a partner, friend, or acquaintance – rejection is painful and comes off as personal, no matter the situation. With our reliance on social media and texting to communicate, ghosting has become increasingly common. It happens so often that many people dismiss its impact. But that doesn’t mean it hurts any less.

Another reason being ghosted hurts is the lack of closure and clarity. While ghosting can happen in any type of relationship, it has a lot of parallels to a breakup. Abrupt breakups can leave you with unanswered questions, feeling gaslit or confused about the specialness of the relationship, and like you’re losing control. You might start asking yourself: What did I do wrong? Was I too self-centered in the relationship? Even more painful is that without a chance to ask, you start filling in the blanks and make up reasons that might not even be true.

Being ghosted challenges your sense of safety, security, self-worth, and identity. It’s no wonder being ghosted hurts so much. And you are allowed to feel hurt after losing someone suddenly.

Grieving the relationship

Losing someone close to you is painful, and accepting that loss will feel like going through the grief process, even if the person you lost is still alive and well.

Why do we grieve in the first place? To put it simply, grief is love. It’s proof that we deeply cared for the person who ghosted us. It’s okay to acknowledge your love while feeling sad about losing the relationship.

You might experience overwhelming emotional pain after being ghosted. At first, you could be in denial or try to bury your feelings. Sometimes, this leads to behaviors like “stalking” or checking in on the person who ghosted you on social media. You might even begin to deal with negative thoughts about yourself as you reflect on what went wrong. It’s normal to feel sad after losing someone, but remember that these reactions are neither good nor bad – they’re just a part of the natural grief cycle. You can honor how you feel while also taking steps toward healing.

Grieving a relationship calls for you to sit with your sadness and pain. You should spend time allowing yourself to feel everything. One day, you’ll wake up and feel the grief a little less than the day before, but there is no set timeline for processing the end of a relationship. Whether it takes one month or a year, it’s okay to move at your own pace.

Acceptance

After giving yourself time to feel sad, you can start moving on without the person who ghosted you. Healing takes time and is not linear, but there are steps you can take to kickstart that journey, such as:

• Blocking or muting the person who ghosted you on social media
• Journaling with self-love in mind
• Practicing radical acceptance without seeking closure
• Building social confidence and seeking out new relationships

Like seasons, some people enter our lives only briefly before things change. You can still honor the relationship and what it meant to you at that point in your life but move forward without it. Accepting that a relationship is gone is one of the hardest parts of this process, but time heals all wounds. One day, you’ll look back at who you are now and be proud that despite the pain, you kept fighting and came out feeling stronger than before.