What does gender dysphoria feel like?

It’s kind of like watching yourself exist in a body that’s not your own.

Gender dysphoria is when your body or appearance does not match your gender identity.

This can cause anger, depression, and hopelessness. It might feel like parts of you are missing, or that there are parts you wish you didn’t have. It might feel like you are trapped in the wrong body, and there are parts of you that you want to hide or minimize. These feelings can be really difficult to navigate. But they are valid, and you’re not alone in feeling this way!

Understanding where your feelings of discomfort come from is an excellent first step. Knowing why you feel this way can empower you and help you take steps toward feeling better.

In my mind, I blank out whatever body part makes me feel uncomfortable. Ignore it, like it doesn’t exist.

Experiencing discomfort

Truly feeling comfortable in your body can take as much internal work as external.

Most people will experience some form of discomfort with their body throughout their lives. Gender dysphoria can be an all-consuming discomfort and frustration for some people. It can feel like being a prisoner in your own body because you don’t look like how you feel. Or like you’re living a life that you don’t want. And it can be really scary to be disconnected from yourself and hating parts of your body.

When you are experiencing discomfort in your body try to be present with that feeling. Acknowledging this feeling can help you begin to understand your discomfort. You may ask yourself questions to help determine the root cause. For example,

• Do I feel bad about this part of my body when I compare myself to others?
• Does this part of my body feel invalidating to my gender identity?

Asking these questions and doing the work of evaluating your feelings can be difficult and even triggering. But this can also lead to a better understanding of yourself and your needs and help you feel more connected to yourself.

Being honest about what you are experiencing can help you move forward. Make sure you check in with yourself and how you are feeling throughout. Also remember that your safety and comfort are priorities, and you don’t have to do this work alone. You can work with a therapist you trust or use resources available for transgender folks.

Taking steps to deal with discomfort

The trans experience is so person specific. There isn’t one way to experience gender dysphoria, and there isn’t one solution that suits us all.

There are many things you can use to lessen your gender dysphoria or discomfort. Here are some examples of what you can do to cope with gender dysphoria:

• Makeup: One of the most affordable and least invasive things you can use is makeup. There are many helpful videos online that show you how to use makeup to add shadows and highlights to your face and body to look more masculine or feminine.
• Gender affirming clothing: Clothing is another cost-friendly way to affirm your gender identity and fight discomfort. There are many small, trans-owned clothing companies that make clothing that fits gender non-conforming bodies. You can get masculine clothing made for afab (assigned female at birth) bodies from companies like Both & or Wildfang. You can find feminine clothing made for amab (assigned male at birth) bodies from En Femme or GenderBender.
• Shapewear: Another non-invasive tool you can use to change the appearance and shape of your body to enhance your comfort is shapewear. You can use shapewear like padded bras, hip pads, butt pads, waist clinchers, breastplates, etc. to appear more curvy and traditionally feminine. Shapewear like chest binders, packers, and chest and ab compression tops with muscle can also be used to create a masculine appearance.
• Gender affirming procedures: For some people, less invasive options aren’t enough. Some non-surgical gender-affirming options include feminizing hormone therapy, masculinizing hormone therapy, voice therapy, laser hair removal, etc. The most important part of having gender affirming procedures done is to learn about your options, requirements, and recovery.
• Gender affirming surgeries: There are feminizing and masculinizing procedures and surgeries. Remember the most important thing when considering gender-affirming surgery is to do as much research as possible. This includes risks and recovery. Be sure to use scholarly sources by using Google Scholar or find more medical information about the surgeries from the American Society of Plastic Surgeons.

Finding support and community

There is a community of people who are affected by gender dysphoria and who feel the same things you may be feeling. And connecting with others who feel the same way you do can be comforting.

If you don’t know where to start, you can try joining local LGBTQ+ groups. Websites like Centerlink can help you find a LGBTQ+ center near you. There are also resources available if you live in a rural area.

You can also find great resources for transgender affirming care and mental health care on the Mental Health America Transgender Resource Center hub. And some self-help guides on health coverage, required ID documents, and transgender legal services are available on the National Center for Transgender Equality site.

No matter which route you choose to feel more comfortable in your body, having support and community is so important! You aren’t alone in feeling uncomfortable in your body, and you don’t have to go through the struggles alone either!

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