People don’t want me to be sober

There’s incredible pressure from others—even family, friends, and coworkers—to use or drink when we are trying to be sober. We may be teased, harassed, called boring for opting not to participate in party culture, skipping happy hours, or turning down a drink. And some people may even get angry or feel slighted by our commitment to sobriety and being substance-free.

It’s hard being the only sober person around, but it’s possible. You have to separate yourself and be your own cheerleader. Holding on to the reasons you want to be substance-free—your why—will help you when you are surrounded by people and situations that challenge your sobriety. It takes work, honesty, and self-reflection to remain sober around temptation, but you can do it.

Committing to your personal stability

It takes a lot of strength to resist temptation and remain sober when the people and environment around you make it difficult. But figuring out and sticking to your why will keep you focused on your path to sobriety and recovery. Your why could be your health—physical or mental, your future, your children, or any other reason you want to be free from substances. You define what your why looks like and create boundaries to protect it. This will be a source of your strength when life puts challenges in your way.

Once you feel like making this change in your life is worthwhile, you’ll realize you probably have to cut ties or set boundaries around certain people who are not supportive of your new goals and way of life. This isn’t an easy thing to do, and you may experience a lot of grief, sadness, and overwhelm. It’s okay to both miss people, but also acknowledge that they can’t be a part of your life if they don’t respect your boundaries and your recovery journey.

After that, realize and find people who respect your boundaries and support your recovery. Going outside of your known community of family, friends, loved ones, and others is scary and isolating. It’s difficult to be vulnerable and meet new people, but it is worth it in the long run. You can start with the internet— read stories and watch others’ experiences on YouTube or social media.  When you are ready, attending recovery support groups like AA or NA or others is so valuable. Building rituals in new settings is important. Creating new habits plus finding community is what helps us stick to goals.

Hold on to the positive

When you see the positive, really sit in that positive. Our instinct is to diminish our accomplishments and focus on our failures. But finding a new life means giving yourself that credit to stay in it when what you’re doing is breaking up with everyone you know.

You can hold on to the positive in several different ways:

• Reflect on your journey and your progress. Seeing how far we’ve come from where we started is motivating. Tracking your progress on your goals let’s see how close you are to accomplishing them. Though sometimes it may not feel like it or some days may be tougher than others, when we look back from where we began, we can see the overall progress in our journeys. It allows us to compare ourselves to ourselves and see how far we’ve come.
• Celebrate your wins. This means celebrating both big and small wins. Refusing to drink when it is offered to you is a win. Calling your sponsor when you are having a craving is a win. Sometimes just making it through the day is a win. Taking time to celebrate these moments where you triumphed can help you keep going.
• Talk to someone you trust. Sometimes it’s hard for us to see how far we’ve come on our own. Talking to someone we trust who has been through for you throughout your recovery, can help. They offer an outside perspective and help us believe in and celebrate ourselves in moments when we can’t.