It’s the deepest and most important question we can ask ourselves: Who am I really? The truth is that answering this question is a lifelong quest. There are so many factors that influence and show up in your authentic self, like your environment or heredity. Your personality type and your experiences can also play a role in creating your sense of self.
One thing that is for sure is that this question is a journey rather than a destination. And you can have fun discovering your favorite person: YOU!
Knowing yourself is the beginning of wisdom.
How do I know who I am?
Identity is wrapped up in our experiences, thoughts, and memories. These perspectives shift over time and become our reality. It’s all part of the growing process.
All your life experiences are incorporated into your own unique point of view. And there are activities that you can do to learn more about yourself and who you are. These can include journaling, identifying your values, and finding things that bring you joy.
What makes me who I am?
Trying to figure out what your true “essence” is the topic of many self-help books and podcasts nowadays. It can feel like a big question to answer, but spending time reflecting can grow your self-awareness.
Much of this discovery journey has to do with where you are in life, the events you’ve experienced, and the turning points that have affected you. These determine the choices we make in careers, relationships, and life. How you grew up shapes your identity, too. Your belief system is frequently set in childhood but can shift as you get older. It can determine how you see yourself and the world and how confident and comfortable you are in different situations.
Culture and society shape our identity as well. Social media influences how we perceive ourselves. The pressure to look a certain way or have specific things can really mess with your head. Comparisons and doubts can creep in, and you may wonder if others will like the “real you.” A growth mindset allows you to say, “I can do this my way,” and feel good about yourself.
What is my personality like?
One way many people begin to discover who they are is to think about their personality type. Figuring out if you are an extrovert or an introvert is a common starting place.
- Extroverts draw energy from others and are outgoing, talkative, and frequently “on.”
- Introverts draw energy from being alone and are more quiet, reserved, and chill. [1]
One is not better than the other. And although we may want to label ourselves as one or the other, it’s possible that we can be both. What’s important is to pay attention to our experiences and feelings. You may ask yourself: Do I find that I get my energy from other people? Or do I prefer to be alone? From there, we can find interests, hobbies, and activities that align with our preferences and what makes us feel comfortable.
While discovering our personality type can be a starting point for figuring out who we are, it is not the only thing that defines us. Remember that our personality will change over time as life goes on and we have more experiences.
What can I learn about myself from those around me?
Finding community is another important aspect of your journey. Discovering your support system is a step in the right direction. Like-minded friends add to your experience and ultimately influence who you are. Making friends with people who are somewhat different from you can also help you learn a good deal about yourself and others. Again, it’s a lifelong process. You’ll make discoveries at different times of your life, often when you’re going through a time of growth.
Can therapy help me find who I am?
Therapy is just one activity you can try to learn more about yourself. For some people, therapy is a helpful tool for recognizing and changing their perception of who they are. Revisiting your past and making sense of it goes a long way in discovering who you are. Exploring the present and future in counseling also gives you greater insight into how you react to the world. This, in turn, helps you define your actions that line up with your true self.
How long does this journey take?
The good news is that the discovery of self leads to more happiness and contentment. You are able to live a life true to yourself and your values.
But how long does this journey of finding out who I really am take?
The short answer is “a lifetime.”
Truly digging deep to find out who you really are is an ever-changing and evolving process. It’s not black and white. It requires a great deal of time testing and trying different things at different points in your life. It’s knowing that you will grow and change, and that’s okay. Finding your comfort zone becomes important in your quest for authenticity. Always give yourself room to make discoveries, and don’t be hard on yourself.
- Vatman, D. (2023, October 31). Introvert Vs. Extrovert: Understanding Your Personality. Choosing Therapy. https://www.choosingtherapy.com/introvert-vs-extrovert/