Why can’t I stop drinking after three beers?

There is a reason why we drink…even if we don’t know what it is.

Maybe it’s to deal with difficult feelings and cope with daily life. Maybe it’s to hang out with friends, have fun, and be the life of the party. Or maybe it’s something else. But if you are asking why can’t I stop drinking, that means you are beginning to realize that something is off.

If you set a goal to only have two or three beers and find yourself having more, then it’s natural to ask yourself why. And even wonder if your drinking is becoming out of control.

Why can’t I stop drinking?

You may be starting to recognize that setting limits for your drinking is not as easy as it sounds. It can be helpful to understand why you struggle to stop drinking to motivate yourself to start changing your drinking habits.

Here are a few reasons why it might be difficult to stop drinking:

• Drinking makes me feel good. Alcohol is a depressant—this means that it relaxes our inhibitions. This also means that drinking feels good. It relaxes the worries, feelings, stresses, doubts, etc. that we deal with. It gives us “liquid courage,” or makes it easier to make decisions that we may not make sober. And the more we drink, the less we feel. But it’s important to remember that while alcohol might make you feel good in the moment, it is not a healthy coping mechanism.
• I feel pressure from others to drink. No matter how old you are, peer pressure is real when it comes to drinking. For example, if you are at a party and you don’t drink, others might notice and question you. Or you might feel left out if you are at a work happy hour and you aren’t drinking with your coworkers. Drinking can also become competitive, and you may feel that you have to “keep up,” or keep drinking. Remember that you don’t have to drink if you don’t want to. Making a plan, leaving the event, or having someone who can hold you accountable can help in these situations.
• I’m drinking to self-medicate. Self-medicating by using alcohol means using it to cope with your feelings, symptoms, or experiences. Often, people self-medicate mental health conditions and trauma with alcohol. For example, someone with social anxiety drinks in a social setting to help take the “edge off,” or calm their nerves. While it might help numb the feelings and pain temporarily, drinking will not help us heal.
• I engage in impulsive behaviors. It’s possible you have a really hard time with your impulse control. If this is you, you might see that show up in other ways, like playing video games obsessively or big reactions over small things that happen. If you feel that your drinking is an impulsive behavior, then it might be worth it to observe and reflect on your behaviors and actions overall.
• Drinking is in my family history. Think back to your family and ask yourself if you see others in your family also struggle with limiting their drinking. This could mean that genetics may play a factor in why it’s hard for you to stop drinking. This is even harder when you also have a family culture of drinking. And it was something you saw and learned early in your life.

Thinking about why you’re drinking can help you think about how to stop drinking. Or to not pass the limits that you set for yourself. The first step is understanding your behavior, in this case drinking. Once you know your why, you can start to figure out how to address it.

It might also be helpful to take our addiction test. It may not be an official diagnosis, but it can help you reflect on your experiences and think about how to move forward.

How can I stop drinking so much?

The key to drinking in moderation or choosing to not drink at all is to be honest with ourselves about our drinking. Having this time to reflect and ground yourself in what is most important will help you find and stay motivated to make the change you want.

Be honest with yourself about your drinking looks like:

• Reflect on your triggers: Think about why, where, and when you drink.  For example, ask yourself what was feeling the last time I drank? Where did I drink—was I alone or with others? When did this happen? Why did I want to drink? Did something happen? 
• Reflect on how drinking has impacted your life: Ask yourself, has my drinking affected my school or work life, relationships, finances, etc.? Has anyone else made comments about my drinking? Do I always drink more than I intend to? Answering these questions can help you understand whether or not your drinking habits are out of control.
• Reflect on your reasons to get better: At some point, drinking will cause more harm than it’s worth and keep you from living the life you want. People often talk about losing relationships, motivation, and purpose when they have lost themselves to uncontrolled drinking. Ask yourself, what would change or get better if you cut back? What do I want to do that drinking is holding me back from doing? 
• Set limits and boundaries for yourself: This may look like setting a limit for how much you want to drink and seeing if you stick to it. This may also look like leaving your friends early on Saturday nights, so you don’t end up drinking. Or suggesting another activity where you can still spend time with them without drinking. Maybe after a hard day, you move your body instead of grabbing a beer. Or find something else that makes you feel good besides drinking.

If your drinking feels out of control, then it may be time to take action and reach out for support. This could be finding someone you trust to hold you accountable. Trying an app to track your drinking. Or considering giving up drinking altogether, and finding support through a peer, sponsor, warmline, etc. to help you.