Finding LGBTQ+ community in sobriety and recovery

Sober queer spaces are magic. It is the opportunity to feel more aligned and in touch with yourself and your community than you thought possible.

Just like finding queer community for the first time can feel like a breath of fresh air, realizing you finally found your people, finding other queer sober people can be an amazing experience.

Nearly 12% of the more than 22 million people in recovery nationwide identify as LGBTQ+. This means that there are millions of queer people who are sober. [1] There are also millions of people who don’t have substance issues who choose not to participate in drinking or drug use.

While the LGBTQ+ community has high rates of substance use, this also means it has high rates of people in recovery.  So there are many sober LGBTQ+ people for you to connect with.

Navigating LGBTQ+ bars sober

LGBTQ+ bars have long been places of activism and community. One of the most widely known sparks of the modern gay rights movement happened at the Stonewall Inn, a gay bar in New York City. For some people, gay bars or clubs were and are the only LGBTQ+ safe spaces available where they could find community.

Because of this, LGBTQ+ bars often have programming and events throughout the week that are more activity-focused than drinking-focused. For example, they can function as a bar later at night, a games center, a coffee shop, a book club, a meeting spot, a running club, etc. This plays to their strengths of thriving LGBTQ+ community centers.

When comes to going to LGBTQ+ bars, it’s important to understand your own capacity and comfort level with where you are in your sobriety and recovery journey.

Here are some tips that can help you navigate LGBTQ+ bars while in recovery:

• Check the calendar. Look for the events calendar or check the bar’s social media pages for upcoming events, programming, and activities. It’s a much safer environment for your sobriety when the primary activity isn’t drinking.
• Be mindful of when you go to the bar. Consider the time of day and week when you decide to go to the bar. For example, it might be a good idea to avoid going to bars at busy times like 11:00 PM on a Saturday night.
• Make a plan. If you feel uncomfortable at any point, then have an exit strategy for leaving the bar. This may look like leaving and letting your friends know via text, having another place to go, or leaving and reaching out for support like a sponsor, friend, peer, etc.

If you are not in a place in your sobriety where you can be around drinking and drug use, it’s a good idea to avoid going to bars altogether.

Finding support and sober activities

While there is a longstanding relationship between LGBTQ+ folks and substance use, this also means that there is a counterculture of sobriety and harm reduction. There are many LGBTQ+ people who are sober and looking to connect with other sober people and find safe and sober activities and spaces.

Below is a list of tips with resources, places, and activities that can give you a place to start in finding a sober LGBTQ+ community.

• Look for specifically sober activities. If you prefer looking for places or events that are specifically sober-supporting, you can use resources online like Gay & Sober to find events and LGBTQ+ AA and NA meetings near you.
• Find support online. If there are no recovery meetings in your area, consider attending a LGBTQ+ recovery meeting virtually which can connect you with queer sober people across the country.
• Try to find other LGBTQ+ spaces. If you’re not sure what businesses in your area are LGBTQ+ owned or friendly, try using online resources like Everywhere is Queer to find some.
• Use your hobbies to connect with people. You can also take notice of your healthy hobbies and personal interests and use them as a way to connect with others in your area or online. For example, if you like hiking you might find a group for people that meet up to hike in your area like LGBT+ Outdoors
• Reach out for support. You can also talk to someone or get more support with your sobriety from LGBTQ+ friendly therapists or contacting a LGBTQ+ hotline or warmline like The Trevor Project.

Remember, queer people are vibrant and resilient. Queer people are known for creating community spaces that suit them. And queer sober spaces and community is no different. While it may be scary to imagine a life without alcohol and drugs, know that you are not alone. Many queer people live happy fulfilling sober lives.

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