How do I keep going after relapse?

Addiction recovery is a learning process. It takes a lot of learning about and working on ourselves. It’s a physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual disease. Recovery requires a self-awareness that must be developed with time and practice. People in recovery are some of the strongest people there are. It is not easy to make all the changes needed for sustained recovery. But we keep going, do not give up, and put much work into ourselves daily and consistently.

Types of relapses

There are different types of relapses. And figuring out which type of relapse you experienced can help you reflect on your experiences, determine your needs, and help you move forward.

Physical relapse

A physical relapse occurs when a person goes back to using the substances after a period of sobriety.  But before a physical relapse happens, there are other types of relapses usually precede the physical relapse where a person begins using alcohol or substances again. A relapse is usually a process.

Emotional relapse

An emotional relapse usually occurs when we are not practicing self-care, start isolating, or start missing the activities that helped us recover in the first place.  We are not usually thinking about using any substances at the time, but the behaviors and emotions left unchecked and not discussed with a sponsor, therapist, home group, peer coach, or someone in our support team can put you at elevated risk.

It’s also important to make sure we are getting enough sleep, eating healthily, and paying attention to our emotions. Staying involved with our accountability team and the activities that help keep us accountable is necessary. We also need to make sure we are having some sober fun in our lives.

Mental relapse

Staying in an emotional relapse for a while and not taking care of it properly can lead to a mental relapse. Inner tension builds like a pressure cooker. Using substances to escape can become appealing.

A mental relapse is where we are conflicted between wanting to use and wanting to continue with our new way of life. We think about the old days, minimize the damage that the substances caused in our lives, and hang out with old friends. We may start telling ourselves that we can use substances again successfully. Those are all signs of a mental relapse. Using coping skills and our tools can help us get through this stage.

Relapse is something that can happen and be a part of our recovery. The most important thing after a relapse is to regroup, pick yourself up, figure out what happened, and get back in recovery ASAP. Just do not give up! Take the momentum we have and keep going!

What relapse can teach us

Relapses are not a sign of failed recovery. We do not lose the knowledge we have gained, the people we have met, the accomplishments we have made, or the skills we have learned in recovery. We should try to think of a relapse as an opportunity to gain experience. A relapse can teach us what we need to work on and what to avoid in the future. A relapse can teach us about:

• Managing triggers
• Avoiding high-risk situations
• Learning to ask for help
• Building a better support system
• Improving coping skills and self-care

It is important to do some self-reflection and figure out what happened. Think about what triggered the relapse and the feelings and events leading up to it. That will help understand the vulnerabilities and help to prevent another relapse.

So now I have relapsed, what do I do?

It can be very disappointing to have a relapse. It feels like a failure.  But try not to dwell on the negative feelings that will come up.  A lot of us already have negative feelings about ourselves or feel like recovery is something we cannot do after a relapse.

But we must give ourselves some grace and be compassionate to ourselves. We are human, and we are learning. It’s progress, not perfection! The goal is to keep being better than we were previously. Sometimes that takes a relapse to get us on the right track.

We need to discuss our relapse with a sober person on our accountability team as soon as possible. We do not want to keep a relapse a secret because it will lead to other relapses. Honesty and transparency are a big part of a lot of programs.

In our addiction, honesty gets lost along the way, so it is especially important to stay honest and transparent in recovery. Not talking about it with another trusted person will cause it to fester like an open sore. It needs to be managed quickly.

And- forgive! Sometimes that is one of the hardest things to do. Changing unhealthy habits takes time. Be patient. Recovery does not happen overnight. Success is not all or nothing. It’s making progress of any kind. Sometimes quickly, and sometimes slowly. Sometimes two steps forward and one step backward. Keep building momentum. We can do this!

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