I want to relapse

Recovery is something that you have to work on every single day, and it is something that does not get a day off.

It is normal to want to quit at times, give up, and say forget it! Life keeps happening even in recovery. But people in recovery are some of the strongest people there are. We are trying a whole new way of life and have to be continuously self-aware and working on ourselves. Just remember that this is normal, and this will pass as well. Feelings are not facts!

If we keep going, we will continue making progress, even when we can’t see it at the time. In recovery, if we go to bed clean and sober and aligned with our goals each day, we win. No matter what happened that day! It is a win!

Take a breath and think about your choices

Life is challenging at times as it is. Navigating recovery can mean added stress. It is not easy to learn a new way to live, new coping skills, repairing relationships, and learning who we are. Our emotions are raw, and we are sensitive. And we are learning to live without the substances that used to be our coping skills. This is hard.

Try not to react and think impulsively. PAUSE and take a breath:

1. Stop and breathe
2. Reflect on your feelings (and be honest with yourself about what you are feeling)
3. Reflect on your needs
4. Ask yourself: What next step will make me feel better without relapsing?

By taking a moment to pause and reflect, you recognize that you are overwhelmed and want to go back to bad habits.

It’s crucial to be honest with ourselves about why we feel like giving up. When things are not going the way we want them to, it’s easy to go into black-and-white thinking or catastrophe thinking. We have to always be on the lookout for those negative thinking traps and how to stop and reframe them when they start.  Also, try not to compare your recovery journey to anyone else’s. All our journeys are unique.

When these thoughts push you to give up, it is especially important to keep in mind the reasons why we started recovery in the first place and what recovery has given to us.

Lean on your reasons to stay healthy

There is nothing that using is going to make better in the end. Always play the tape through!

Play the tape through—or think about what giving up means for you. Consider the reality of what could happen if you relapse.

For example,

• The problems that we had when we got into recovery will come back usually fast and worse.
• We will break the trust of the people around us.
• We may not be able to pull out of relapse this time.
• We will not solve the problems we are currently facing.

The list goes on and on of why not to give up. Just keep remembering that this will pass and there is a breakthrough on the other side. There are reasons that you want to stay in recovery and stay healthy. Leaning on them can help you make it through this.

The more that is put into our recoveries, the more we will get out of it. Imagine our recovery is a ship on the water. Imagine our sponsor being an anchor, our meetings being another anchor, therapy is another, and family too. Any positive coping skill or activity that is helping our recovery is an anchor. That ship is going to be steadier when the storms come because of the anchors. Sometimes the anchors will break off. But we can find new ones to replace them, so that our ship stays steady especially when storms come.

Keep going

When we are healing, which we are doing in recovery, it’s normal to go through cycles where we love and are proud of ourselves and where we are not. We are our own worst critics. It’s also normal to feel overwhelmed and discouraged. We are recreating ourselves.

Here are some ways that we can motivate ourselves to keep going in recovery:

• Be kind to yourself. These feelings are normal. It does not mean we are failing. It only means we are human. And we need to  practice self-compassion and self-care. Practicing self-care teaches us to love and accept ourselves.  Learning to love ourselves is part of the healing process. It’s also okay to take a break and rest. We may need a time out from whatever situation we’re in. Sometimes we need time to recharge.
• Being grateful for small things helps us keep an attitude of gratitude. Keep a gratitude journal or start a gratitude page or group. It’s so important for us to stay grateful, practice acceptance, and stay teachable so we can continue to grow in our recoveries. Practicing self-acceptance is particularly important as well.
• Celebrate your victories! Even if it does not seem like much at the time. Getting through hard things clean and sober is a victory! Getting key tags and coins at meetings feels good and brings hope to others. Being grateful for all the changes and for the growth is a celebration and we deserve that! Recovery is challenging work, and we should celebrate and share with others our celebrations. It makes us stronger the next time something hard comes because we remember that we got through similar situations already.

Just remember that this feeling is temporary, and as long as we keep going, we will be okay.

Find support

We all need support when going through healing. And it’s also important to have an accountability partner like a sponsor, a peer coach, or someone we can reach out to when things are not going well. These days will happen. We have to have coping skills and a plan in place when things do happen. We’re trying to live life on life’s terms and learn how to cope.

Our support person or people can remind us of our accomplishments and how far we have come. They can help us reframe and see things from a different perspective. They can also offer us the voice of their experiences in similar situations. And they can help us vent and know we are supported and not alone.

Surrounding ourselves with positive, like-minded individuals who are supportive and love us no matter what helps. Our circles should be people who accept us and can help us get through these challenging times. Having these people in our lives is so important. They may be our lifeline one day.