How to be strong

What comes to your mind when you think about being strong? Is it mental or emotional strength? For example, when it comes to being mentally strong, your mind may go to crossing off everything on a long to-do list or conquering every single challenge that comes your way.

While nailing your to-do list is an accomplishment, small steps are what get you through the daily grind. Building these small steps or better habits is part of the solution, but it’s not the whole story.

Our culture and society also put pressure on us to be “strong.” But the truth is that it takes confidence—our belief in ourselves and our ability to move in the direction we want to go—and resilience, our ability to bounce back from setbacks, to put us on the road to being and staying strong.

The pressure society puts on us

Our society tells us we need clear goals to thrive. We get the message that failure is not an option. But, we can’t always win, and sometimes we do fail.

Failure can lead to feelings of shame, or to us putting on a mask so everyone thinks we’re capable and strong. But we all fail at times. And failure can be a chance to learn, grow, and become stronger.

If you Google strength, you get lists of things you should do. Be fearless, be positive, be happy, exercise, eat healthy, make clear goals. We’re constantly bombarded with tips, tricks, and routines from trainers, life coaches, influencers, and more that should make our lives easier. It’s overwhelming!  And happiness is held up as the greatest achievement, but constant happiness is not real life!

You make up the rules for yourself as to what strength means, not society. It’s a win to make small steps when coming out of a difficult spot.  Each step matters. It’s all about you and what makes you feel strong.

Confidence in yourself 

Your self-assurance or confidence comes from an appreciation of your abilities and qualities.  And strength is putting confidence into action.  Saying “I can do it!” moves you in the direction of where you want to go and what you want for yourself.  Your ability to follow through shows self-trust in the decisions you make.

It’s not about winning every time. Acknowledging that you tried your best and did what was right for you is what’s important.

Confidence is not putting yourself down and giving in to negative thoughts. Challenge and question these thoughts. How do you do this? This could look like turning, “I can’t do that. I’m strong enough or good enough,” into, “I give my best, and my best is good enough. I’ll get there one day at a time.” It takes confidence to create and build better habits.  Choose to fight back against these negative thoughts and reframe them.

Seeing missed opportunities as positive learning experiences helps you turn things around.  Practicing radical acceptance allows you to say “stop” to negativity and move forward. Building confidence in yourself allows you to take control over situations and accept reality. It takes time, but it is doable.

Resilience and recovery 

The ability to come back better and stronger after difficulties doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time and healing. Through those experiences and healing, you learn more about yourself and the strengths and qualities that make you, you. You’ll feel more in control each time you go through a challenge and come out the other end with more strength.

Though resilience is built over time, there are ways that you can start today working on your ability to bounce back after a setback.

•  Give yourself a break! Self-compassion is a great tool of resilience.
•  A gratitude practice is another way to accentuate the positives in your life. Writing down what you’re thankful for keeps you focused on the good in your day.
• Journaling the highlights of your day keeps you in a positive frame of mind. It can help you keep track of your progress, and your strengths, and see how far you’ve come in life and healing.
• Affirm your abilities and strengths by identifying and reflecting on them. Remembering that you have these traits can help when you need a pick-me-up.
•  Connect with yourself through your spiritual practice. It’s a reminder of the good in the world and your place in it.

The brain is a muscle that grows stronger when used.  The term “muscle memory” is used to describe how the brain and body recover.  Neuroscientists say the resilient brain is healthier. [1] So, every time we go through an obstacle and come back from it, we become stronger. That’s good news for you!

You’re on the road to becoming a strong person.  It doesn’t mean you’re a powerhouse 24/7.  Society might want to sell you on the idea that you’re a superhuman, but you don’t have to buy into that. You develop your strength by being kind to yourself and building your confidence and resilience. Do “you” on your own terms. You decide what it means to be strong and how strong you want to be.

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