I don’t know how to get better or sober

The idea of becoming sober is overwhelming and daunting—especially when you’ve been drinking or using for a long time. When we don’t know how to get better, we feel exhausted, hopeless, and stuck. And feeling this way every single day makes life feel unbearable—like we can’t escape because there’s no way out. We might even feel like nothing will change, things will never get better, and we’ll be stuck living this way forever.

First you have to want it because change is hard

Nothing happens if you don’t want it to. Nothing changes unless you do something to make it happen. Change requires motivation, and if we’re feeling disillusioned and stuck it’s difficult to find that motivation. Our motivation comes from the reasons we want to change—our desires, ability, reason, and needs. Reflecting on these can help us understand why we want to be sober.  And when we find and commit to our why for wanting to be substance-free and sober, then we commit to recovery.

Decide what kind of help you need

Once you find your why, your motivation to guide your recovery journey, you can decide what your next steps will be. When we are really to change, we are ready to try something different. This means deciding what kind of help you need.

What you choose to do is up to you, but here are some examples of paths you can take:

• Do you want to do it alone? Starting your recovery alone is one path to take on a recovery journey. This may look like taking time to educate yourself on what the recovery process looks like. This could be by reading articles, doing research, or reading about or watching others’ experiences online. Self-reflection is another tool that you can use when deciding to try recovery on your own. You can start by trying to set limits for your drug or alcohol and being honest with yourself about how it’s working and if you are following through.
• Do you want to reach out to people? If you decide that you need more support, then you can reach out to others to help you with your recovery. There are different options for support as well. Maybe you want to lean on your loved ones to help you out—especially if they have lived experience. You also can choose a group setting like AA, NA, or other support groups. Or you can find professional help like a therapist, drug and alcohol counselor, or another mental health professional. You may even choose a combination of all of these options.

There is no one right way to do recovery. You will find the support that works best for you on your journey. It’s okay to do something else if what you start with doesn’t work for you. Just remember to keep going.

Change is a lifelong journey

Now that you’re removing substances from your life, it’s important to replace your old habits and coping skills with new ones. There needs to be something in the old space to fill the void that addiction left. In recovery, you have the power to decide what this will be and what your life is going to look like. Understand that this is a lifelong journey that has ups and downs and goals that grow and change.

Here are some tips that help you find ways to feel better, be sober, and stay focused in long-term recovery.

• Reflect on who you were. What did you like to do as a kid? What was your favorite thing to do (for example were you in nature, active, etc.)?  Reflecting can help you tap into who you are.
• Give yourself time. You have to learn yourself. You have to learn what you like and what you don’t like when you stop using. It’s okay. Learn as you go and this learning takes time. Just because you started this week or you made it a month doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy. You have to commit.
• Think about your environment. Think about the people, places, and things around you. Do they tempt or trigger you? You are going to have to remove things in your environment that makes it difficult to stay focused on your recovery. You’re going to have to make difficult decisions and to do things you have never done before, but it’s worth it.
• Remind yourself why you are doing this. Always stay focused on your why in recovery. Why are you doing this…. for your future self, kids, etc. Whatever your why is, remind yourself of it and stick to it.
• Keep trying. If one program doesn’t work, think about why it didn’t work and what other options are available. It’s okay to take a couple of steps back, make changes, and fall down. But don’t give up. Keep trying because the only way through is through.