What can I do instead of hurting myself?

When life gets hard, we want to turn to the things that make us feel better. At one point in time, that may have been hurting yourself with behaviors like cutting, burning, or others. But these things aren’t always good for us in the long run.

Remember that you always have options. While it may feel like self-harm is the only way to cope at this moment, it’s not. Having other coping skills and distractions can stop you from relapsing and help you find healthier ways to manage your feelings and the stresses of daily life.

Why do I want to self-harm right now?

It’s likely that something led to this urge to self-harm.

Stress, trauma, painful feelings, and emotional pain can be triggers for self-harm. Maybe you were in a difficult social situation, you watched or saw something that brought up hard feelings, or you were around something or someone else that brings up bad memories. Maybe you were experiencing heavy feelings like sadness, grief, anger, or overwhelm to the point where you wanted to explode.

No matter what happened, it’s natural to want to make ourselves feel better or make the pain go away when experiencing these triggers. In these moments, we often seek relief, and we may want to self-harm. Hurting ourselves isn’t the only way for us to get relief though. We don’t have to give into the urge.

Replacing self-harm

You have the power to replace self-harm with something else. There are many ways to release what you are feeling that don’t involve self-harm. While the list below isn’t everything that you could do, it’s a place to start.

If you’re angry

Anger is a natural emotion, but sometimes it can be tough to deal with. When we feel angry, we often want to destroy, hit, punch, or find some sort of release. Here are some things that you can do when you’re feeling angry that aren’t self-harm:

• Squeeze ice
• Do something that gives you a strong sensation like eating lemon
• Flatten aluminum cans
• Hit a punching bag
• Pick up a stick and hit a tree
• Punch a pillow, scream into a pillow, or hit the wall with a pillow
• Rip up an old newspaper, magazine, or paper
• Yell or sing as loud as you can
• Dance
• Clean
• Exercise
• Bang pots and pants
• Stomp in heavy shoes
• Throw ice cubes at a brick wall

If you’re sad

When we’re sad, we may feel heavy or isolated and alone. We just want the pain to stop, but we may not know how. There are many things that you can when you’re feeling sad instead of self-harming:

• Take a hot bath with bath oil or bubbles
• Curl up under a comforter with hot cocoa, a book, etc.
• Give yourself a present
• Hug a loved one or stuffed animal
• Play with a pet
• Smell something sweet like a candle or incense
• Smooth nice body lotion on the parts of yourself you want to hurt
• Listen to soothing music
• Call or visit a friend and talk to them
• Watch something or read
• Do an activity that allows you to self-soothe or care for yourself
• Cry
• Draw or color
• Journal or writing down your feelings

If you just want to feel

For some of us, self-harm may have allowed us to feel something when we were numb. But we don’t need to turn to self-harm to feel sensation. Here are other things you can do to feel:

• Squeeze ice
• List many uses for a random object (ex: What can you do with a twist-tie?)
• Interact with other people
• Put a finger in a frozen food like ice cream
• Bite into a hot pepper or chew ginger
• Take a cold bath
• Stomp your feet on the ground
• Focus on how it feels to breathe (practice mindfulness)

If you want to focus

Sometimes when we are overwhelmed, have a lot going on, or are experiencing different emotions at once, self-harm may have been a way to refocus or become present. But it is not the only way. Here are some other ways to re-focus or be present that don’t involve self-harm:

• Do a task that requires focus and concentration
• Eat something mindfully—notice how it looks and feels, describe the texture, the taste, and chew slowly
• Choose a random object in the room, examine it, and write a detailed description of it
• Choose a random object and try to list 30 different uses for it
• Pick a subject and research it online

If you feel guilty or like a bad person

Having negative emotions like guilt or worthlessness can make it hard to cope. While they can feel inescapable, there are ways that we can relieve these feelings without self-harm:

• List as many good things about yourself as you can
• Read something good that someone has written about you
• Talk to someone who cares about you
• Do something nice for someone else
• Remember when you’ve done something good
• Think about why you feel guilty and how you might be able to change it

If you still want to self-harm

• Put stickers on the parts of your body you want to hurt
• Draw on yourself with a red felt-tip pen
• Draw on the parts of yourself you want to hurt with ice cubes
• Paint on yourself using red paint
• Keep yourself busy by playing a game, listening to music, cooking, etc.

Remember just because you feel like you want to self-harm, doesn’t mean you have to. You have many options and coping skills that you can turn to when you need them. And you can always reach out for support—whether that means talking to a loved one or friend, finding a support group online, or calling 988 or a warmline.

It’s possible to recover from self-harm. You are stronger than the urge. Keep going!