How do I deal with anger in recovery?

Anger and irritation are common emotions we feel when we are dealing with addiction and recovery. Addiction can push us to the limits of our resources and make us feel angry and/or irritated.

Addiction is a complicated and frustrating illness. At times it seems impossible to sort through all the issues. It can take a heavy emotional toll on our family and friends too, placing further stress on us who live with addiction. Dealing with your anger and/or irritation requires empathy and patience. Recovery takes work, including self-reflection, forgiveness, and seeking help.

Why am I angry?

You’re angry with yourself

I felt anger at myself. I didn’t know how to handle my feelings in recovery. I always thought I needed to fight or hit or throw something. I had to go to counseling.

When we have an addiction, we can become angry with ourselves because of the things we did while we were in active addiction. We must learn to forgive ourselves and start to heal. Not forgiving ourselves is one of the biggest reasons people relapse. Letting go of the past and moving forward through forgiving allows us to grow as a new person without the baggage of addiction.

Getting help from someone like an anger management professional can be beneficial. Also, you can consider seeing a mental health professional like a psychiatrist and a therapist. Peer services can help too. That takes effort but is worth it.

You feel trapped or like you aren’t being heard

We can feel trapped or stuck when we first get into recovery. The stress and loss associated with stopping taking a substance can make us feel exhausted. We feel overwhelmed and struggle to keep moving forward. When we first get into recovery, we often feel like we are not being heard or are not able to get our way.

It is important to have someone to help you navigate your recovery from the beginning. The important thing is we must focus on ourselves to start to get better. This may seem selfish but is necessary in recovery.

Often, we want to feel validated by others that we are doing better, and when we do not get that we can feel hurt. Sometimes we react with anger, become irritated, enraged, and lash out.

Anger turned inward

Anger was the hardest thing for me to deal with. When I was addicted, I took stimulants, I tended to get stressed, worn out, irritated, and angry. In recovery I got better, I had setbacks but kept going.

Anger can be depression turned inward. When things are not going our way, we can become very depressed when we are angry with the situation. Anger turned inward is a form of depression, or self-attack. [1] It is important to recognize what our depression really stems from. Is it from anger?

Self-reflection on your past experiences with anger can help you recognize your behaviors. Look at your feelings and drill down to the core feeling you have. Is it a negative feeling, or a negative thought, like “I am worthless!” Which is a false and negative belief that can cause you to feel angry. Replace that negative thought with “I am worthwhile!”

Seeing a specialist like a doctor who specializes in addiction, called an addictionologist, can help you determine where your anger is coming from and how to treat it.

Are you angry with others or you seeking control?

Anger can build and grow. It is not necessarily a single event. Anger can come from traumatic experiences that we experienced in childhood. Self-reflection is necessary when dealing with trauma.

The main thing is to recognize anger as it progresses. You must be accountable. Ask yourself: Am I getting angry or irritated? Why? What is the best thing to do?

It’s also important to have someone like a sponsor or a therapist to talk to about your situations to help you recognize and deal with them early on. Talking with a therapist, especially one that specializes in trauma, can help you determine if you are just trying to get your way. Or is your anger coming from a legitimate place? In recovery we must learn we do not always get our way and that feelings like anger are what is normal in life.

You’re feeling Triggered or Activated

When you first get into recovery your tolerance level may be low. You are dealing with things for the first time in recovery without taking substances to deal with whatever is going on.

You may have low self-esteem. This is normal, it will get better as you get better. Things can activate your anger, make you feel irritated, and you may feel vulnerable. Again, accept that and keep moving forward in recovery. If you have a setback, get right back in recovery.

Learning to cope with anger

Anger hangover: I would get angry, blow up, then for two days I felt ashamed. You can’t stay in shame. Move from the shame so you can adjust to identify what you can do to change.

One of the main things to do to cope with anger and irritation is to forgive ourselves. Many times, when we get angry and go into a rage, we regret it afterwards. We feel bad about it for days. It is like we have an “anger hangover.” We feel numb, spaced out and feel very remorseful. We become depressed.

The best thing to do is to forgive ourselves and apologize. Then move on. If we do not do that it will continue to fester. And will happen again. Do yourself a favor, apologize once, mean it, and move on. You must forgive yourself by having empathy for yourself. You did not intend to go into a rage. It just seems to happen!

It is important in recovery to accept life for what it is at the moment and learn to deal with it. You must accept where you are in life and deal with it. It is sometimes called “radical acceptance.”

Here are some ways to cope with anger and irritation:

• There is a thing called Fight-or-Flight. [2] Which is the natural physiological reaction to stressful, frightening, or dangerous events. Our ancestors developed this reaction to survive from a physical threat. We do not have to do that anymore. Tell yourself that you are OK and safe. You do not have to react to stressful situations.
• Walk away from people, places or things that make you angry or irritated. If someone invites you to a fight you do not have to go. Just do not participate and do not engage. Just walk away from it. That is the best thing to do.
• Seek support. You may consider attending an anger management course. Go online and find additional help. Find a professional that is anger management certified. Attend 12 step meetings, like Alcoholic Anonymous(AA) and/or Narcotics Anonymous (NA) meetings and get a sponsor.
• Practice self-care. Take time to do things that temporarily take your mind off your addiction, like positive self-care practices including meditation, exercise, or journaling.

The main thing is to give yourself credit for starting to deal with your anger. That takes courage, and over time if you work at it, you will get better.

Show References