I have nothing to live for

Maybe it happened slowly, over time and throughout your life. Or maybe a big life change or loss created this feeling. For example, getting out of a relationship with someone you really loved or losing someone very important in your life can leave you feeling empty. The loss of a job, a home, or anything that feels like your purpose in life can make you feel like you have nothing to live for.

Grappling with this feeling is difficult. When you reach this point, you may feel like your life has no purpose or meaning. You may feel like you are a shell of a human being compared to everyone else. It’s possible to change this feeling.

Figure out what you really want

When people feel like there’s nothing to live for it becomes difficult to think about the future or to not think all the time about suicide or death. But one thing about life is that it is always changing. While today you may feel like there’s nothing to live for, in the future that can change. And you have the power to change it.

When you feel that “you have nothing to live for,” that means that you need to take steps toward finding things that energize you, give you purpose, and make life worth living—even if it’s small.

You have to decide what you want to live for and what you really want out of life. Nobody can live for you. When you say, “I have nothing to leave for nothing to live for,” what is it in life that you lost that you would like to gain again? Is it connection, love, stability, security, purpose, etc.? These are things that you can find again. Taking the time to reflect is crucial in finding what it is that you do want to live for.

Addressing avoidance

The first step to finding small things to live for is to address avoidance. When you live with constant sadness and detachment, avoidance became the coping skill you used that eventually became its own trap.

It’s hard to break the habit of avoidance when it comes to feeling like you have nothing to live for. It’s easy to blame your circumstances, others, life, society, etc. for what you are feeling. But doing this does not move you toward finding purpose or feeling better.

There’s feeling our feelings, and then there’s sitting in sorrow, grief, anger, avoidance for so long that it’s no longer beneficial for us. And instead of our feelings helping us move forward, they hold us back and keep us stuck. Before we can truly get what we want out of life, we must leave this space of avoidance or not accepting things for what they are. We have to accept where we are in our lives to help us move toward taking the steps we need.

When you make a choice to avoid less, you can decide if you want to address your feelings first or your actions first. When trauma is too hard to lean into, some people find it easier to move to action without addressing feelings. Others don’t feel motivated to change their actions until they work through some feelings. It’s likely that in your process, you’ll come to address both, but picking one and moving forward with it can help you get started.

The paragraphs below outline the steps to start with either feeling or action

Addressing your feelings

For a lot of people, the process of addressing feelings looks like thinking about them actively identifying and labeling them.

Our feelings and thoughts give us insight into what is bothering us, where possibly to start honoring our pain, or what concerns to reach out about. Taking time to understand what heavy feelings are communicating to you is important. Maybe they’re telling you that you’re sad about what happened but also moving you into finding something else in your life that gives you purpose. Things may be bad now, but they can always turn around.

Addressing your actions

Now that you know what you want and you’re ready to get it, it’s time to take the steps toward getting it. Everything that you do should move you in the direction of what you want in life—a new job, home, relationship, friendship, etc. That goal that you set for yourself is your why. All the steps you take—big or small—should be an action toward achieving that goal. Knowing your why also helps you decide what to prioritize and what to let go.

For example, if you know what you want is a new job, then a step you might take is getting new clothes for a job interview and for when you start the job. Or, maybe you spend time updating your resume or giving yourself a number of job applications you want to complete each week.

Talking to Someone

Remember that you don’t have to unpack this feeling and next steps alone. You can always reach out for support, whether it be a loved one, a mental health professional, a hotline, a warmline, or a support group.

Seeing a mental health professional like a therapist can also help you take steps toward meeting your goal. Some people see therapists to help with trauma. But others see a therapist to help with desensitization, meaning a therapist helps them get their lives back on track by helping manage their goals. And this helps people figure out how they can achieve their goals.

If you want someone to talk to right now, Warmlines are an excellent place for non-crisis support. If you worried about your safety, you can reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 or using the chat box at 988lifeline.org/chat or text “MHA” to 741-741 to reach the Crisis Text Line.