My kid started smoking weed. How do I talk to them?

When you first find out your kid is smoking weed you get upset. You might get angry and want to react before you think, be it yelling or punishing. Or you may worry that they are making the wrong choices, and a lot of the time, you blame yourself. You wonder what you did wrong as a parent, trying to figure out what you could have done differently.

Reality check: It’s not your fault. Using weed is a decision they made on their own. You are only human and can’t be with them at all times. There is only one thing you can do: Talk to your kid.

I want my daughter to know she can always come to me. And always make sure she is comfortable and can talk to me no matter what.

Ask questions

When discussing weed or any other drug use for that matter, it’s important to ask questions. This is so that you can get a feel for what your kids’ use looks like and maybe even understand why they are using.

• Do they have a medical condition?
• Does it help them with undiagnosed pain?
• Are they just rebelling against your rules?
• Has their weed use become a bad habit or are they being influenced by their peers?
  

Communication is crucial when discussing marijuana use with your kid. It’s okay to be unsure of what to say. And it’s okay to practice the conversation with yourself before you bring it up. As parents, we do not have all the answers, but there are a few things we can do.

While keeping a cool, calm demeanor, here are some conversations to have with your kid:

• Think and talk about the frequency of use. Is your child using regularly, daily, or are they doing it occasionally or just tried it once?  Are interventions needed, or do they need new friends or moral support from someone they trust?
• Ask your kid how it made them feel when they smoked.  Did they like it or not? Did it make them feel better or worse?   What made your kid interested in trying weed?
• Don’t be afraid to ask your kid who they are hanging out with. Who influenced them, if anyone, to try it for the first time?  Do they still hang out with that person/ people?  Who do they use with?  Who don’t they use with?
• Ask your kid where they are getting their weed.  Is it a safe source? Is the weed laced with anything? Are they safe while getting the weed, and how do they get it? These questions can open up a new conversation about legality issues and the possible repercussions.
• Ask your kid why they are using weed.  Are they trying to hide from trauma, or is something really bothering them?
• And finally, the last question you could ask is who paid for the weed?  If not your kid, what are they having to do in exchange for the weed? Do they have safety as a priority when they obtain their weed?

Be honest

To gain your kid’s trust, you have to be completely open and honest. If you have a history with weed, it’s important you speak up and explain how you feel about your use.  Hiding things you have experienced takes away from your advice and guidance. So, it’s best to be transparent.

Here are some conversations about weed that you can have with your kid:

• Educating them and talking about the lacing of weed is important. There are now tests that you can do to make sure there aren’t other substances in weed, such as fentanyl. Let them know that you want them to be safe and there are risks. Give them safety tips related to weed and where you get it from. Talk to your kids and help them understand tolerance.

• You may think that your weed is safe, but it can still impact you physically and/or mentally. In some cases, weed can activate dormant mental health concerns and even become a serious addiction and/or lead to use of harder substances. [1] Try to explain different aspects of use, such as self-medication and substance use. Make sure you also explain that weed can inhibit your motor skills and your thought processes.

• People have different reactions to weed. For example, while one person may experience an elated, relaxed, or calm feeling, another person may experience extreme depression, anxiety, hallucinations, or paranoia [1].
• You may have different opinions about weed use because of its legality in certain states. Remind your kids that just because it’s legal in your state does not mean you aren’t breaking other laws. This includes driving under the influence or possessing more than a certain amount of weed.  Also, remember to tell them that just because others are using weed doesn’t mean that they have to participate.

Keeping the lines of communication open is a huge step in having conversations that may be difficult to talk about. Do your best, and in the end, your kid will know that you do this out of love.

Be there for them without judgment

We all need support, and being present and available for your kid is very important. Kids need our guidance, not our friendship. But they also need someone to be there for them without judgment.

Being there for your kid means that you are willing to allow them to explain themselves. And you are willing to hear and understand what they are saying and going through.

For example, sometimes “just because” is a valid reason. They were curious and just wanted to try it. Knowing how to bring the subject up and talk about weed isn’t easy, but know that it is difficult for your kid, too!

Just try to relax and go with the flow. Don’t be afraid to share your opinions with your kids in a relaxed, safe, and comfortable environment.  You want your kid to feel safe talking and have their own opinion that may differ from yours.

Let your kid know you are always there for them. You are a safe space and a way out for them.  Let them know that if they are not safe or uncomfortable, they can contact you. And let them know you are there for them no matter what.

Try not to blame yourself

And finally, try not to blame yourself for your kid’s weed use. There is nothing that you could have done differently. Dwelling on the past will only make things harder for you and your kid.

You can’t dwell on the past and change it. All you can do is focus on the present moment and think about the future. Our kids are the future! Let’s help them make the best decisions for themselves, so they can lead happy and healthy lives.

Show References