It hurts when we don’t fit in. Some of us live as an inauthentic version of ourselves to avoid the fear of rejection altogether. It’s totally understandable, but not an ideal way to live.
Sometimes, getting to know your authentic self and sharing that self with others is tough. When you don’t feel safe at home, school, or work, you instinctively focus on survival, leaving you with little emotional energy to explore who you are. That’s why it’s okay to be patient as you grow and move through new phases of your life.
The fear of not belonging is normal, though that doesn’t make it hurt any less. Even if it seems hard, we can absolutely learn to manage our social anxieties with the right resources and support.
The Fear of Not Fitting In
When you ask yourself, “Will people like the real me?” what comes to mind? Do you feel pressured by others’ expectations of you? What about the expectations you place on yourself to be likable?
Those thoughts are totally normal. It’s a lot to deal with the fear of not fitting in. Sometimes, it seems safer not to be yourself. But guess what? That’s okay. You don’t have to rush into anything you’re not ready to, especially when it comes to being vulnerable.
We all struggle with the fear of not belonging. It hurts not being sure if people you like will accept you. But what matters the most is that you like you because your relationship with yourself guides all others.
The Reality of Social Acceptance
Let’s face it: the question “Will people like the real me?” is overwhelming. Consider this: Do you like everyone you meet? The answer is probably no, but that’s to be expected! It’s a reality that others won’t always like the real you.
When you accept yourself, regardless of whether people like you, it’s quite liberating. Especially since there’s no pressure to be accepted by anyone else. It means that our relationship with ourselves is solid no matter who likes or dislikes us.
How do I get to know the real me?
Before you ask, “Will people like the real me?” Ask yourself: “Do you like the real you?” Putting yourself first is one of the best ways to get to know yourself. Then, fitting in will be less important than being true to who you are.
You can get started by:
- Journaling: Reflect on the times you feel most like yourself and write about them. Write about your thoughts, feelings, and everyday ups and downs to uncover how your brain works and what matters to you.
- Spending time by yourself: Take some time alone to explore your interests. Think about and name your personal values.
- Exploring both old and new hobbies: Experimenting with different hobbies can help you discover what brings you joy. This process can also help you learn more about yourself and connect with others.
Knowing yourself is the best gift you can give yourself, and living authentically is an outlet for life-long happiness. When you live authentically, others who see the real you will want to connect with and support you. But when we hide the real us, those same people meant to support us won’t have the opportunity to see us as who we truly are.
How can I find people who will like the real me?
Feeling like you belong is like finding a safe space. When we belong, we feel comfortable and at ease. And when the right people accept the real you, you can show up authentically as your whole self. But opening yourself up to others’ acceptance is a vulnerable process.
While not everyone you meet will like the real you, the people who matter will. Believe it or not, embracing your true self can make finding real belonging with the right group of people easier.
Having just a few genuine connections with people who love the real you feels much better than having many superficial relationships where you’re not yourself.
Creating that supportive community and getting to know yourself is simpler said than done. One way you can get started is by creating a community safety and connection plan. This will help you keep track of your support network and make plans to connect with your people. Working on your social confidence is another way to improve your capacity to find the right people to support you authentically.
When we have struggled with loving ourselves, believing anyone will like us can be hard. But the right people will like the real you. It’s just a matter of having the emotional tools to deal with worry or fear of not being liked and the courage to find the people who make us feel seen, heard, valued, and loved. It can seem impossible at times, but we know it’s doable to come out on the other side happier, more secure, and confident in ourselves. You deserve a safe place of belonging, just as everyone else does.