Can I accept myself?

I’ve had to learn that my self-acceptance is independent from others accepting me. My changes, growth, and worth are mine to own.

Accepting yourself for who you are can feel overwhelming sometimes, and everyone struggles with it. People have many different parts, identities, likes, dislikes, and so much more that make them, them.

Some parts might be easy to accept, or maybe even to love. And there might be harder parts to accept, like being impatient when hungry, frustrated when getting stuck behind a slow driver, and running late. Or dealing with symptoms of a mental illness like depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, addiction, and more.

For many of us, self-acceptance can feel difficult at first, but with time and practice, you can become more comfortable in your own skin.

Why can self-acceptance feel so hard?

Self-acceptance can feel difficult because you might not like certain things about yourself. Or you believe you need to change before you can accept yourself.

Here are some reasons why self-acceptance can be so hard:

• You might feel frustrated about things you can’t control.
• You might not know what or why you’re feeling what you feel.
• You think that others are doing better than you.
• You want to change, and you think that if you accept yourself, then you won’t change.
• You feel that the things that you do or don’t do are connected to your self-worth.
• You feel shame or experience negative thoughts and self-criticism.
• You might have a mental health condition like anxiety or depression that can make life hard. 

Accepting yourself can feel hard for a lot of reasons, but once you understand that it can be hard and doable, that is a step in the right direction and a step closer to feeling better. This can help you realize that we can be a work in progress and enough as we already are. There may never be a day when you accept all parts of yourself all the time, and that’s okay.

If you think that you might be experiencing symptoms of anxiety or depression, then it might be a good idea to take an anxiety or depression test.

What is self-acceptance?

Self-acceptance is when you practice being okay with who you are as a whole person and as a person who is made up of different parts. It is usually not a decision you make once and then never have to make again. It will be a decision and a practice to commit to over and over again.

This practice can be really hard when you have done something you are not proud of, like accidentally hurting a loved one during a mental health episode or crisis. Part of what comes after a painful experience like this is accepting the pain, the responsibility of repairing the relationship, and self-acceptance even when your loved one might not have accepted your forgiveness yet.

Radical acceptance can help you see a situation for what it is without your feelings confusing you or shifting your reality.

How can I practice self-acceptance?

When learning how to accept yourself, it’s important to remember that it’s a practice. Just like sports, some days at practice are easier than others, but as time passes, you get better and better. Sometimes you have to take a water break or go easier, but that is all part of the journey of getting better at the sport. The same goes for self-acceptance.

Here are some ways to practice self-acceptance:

• Acknowledge that self-acceptance doesn’t mean you won’t grow or choose to improve. It simply means that you can acknowledge what your experience is right now, practice loving yourself through it, and gently improve in the areas you want to.
• Try not to push yourself to be someone you’re not. Accept yourself for where you are right now and love yourself through it. That may look different day by day or even minute by minute.
• Practice self-love and gratitude. Practicing self-love and gratitude are hard, but you can choose your hard. You can choose which practices of self-love and gratitude like saying self-affirmations, reframing your thoughts, practicing self-care, and other habits that improve your mood work best for you.
• Build a support system of friends, family, and loved ones who accept you for who you are. They can show you that you are worthy of love and acceptance. For example, this can look like friends or peers helping you see your strengths and forgiving you when you make a mistake.

It’s okay if self-acceptance feels hard. If you’re not sure where to start, start by trying to accept that it’s hard. You might share this feeling with a friend and practice accepting yourselves together. It’s never too late to start, no matter how small.