It’s normal to feel like we don’t know who we are when we first start recovery. Some of us in addiction have not lived a “normal” life in a long time. And it’s okay to feel like we do not know who we are even after being in recovery for a long time. Recovery is a journey to finding yourself, and it’s unique for each person.
Before recovery, we have experienced a lot of different unique circumstances that we each will have to work through. Some of us have experienced homelessness, abuse, childhood traumas, loss, and many other negative experiences in our addiction.
Recovery is like an onion with many layers that a person can peel. And each of these different experiences adds another layer to peel off to find our true, authentic selves. When we keep putting work into our recovery daily, we can expect a positive change.
Be honest with yourself
We need to be honest with ourselves. There are many ways to work through issues, denial, and to help with unpeeling the layers. We can’t change anything that we do not know is there.
It’s okay to try different things like therapy, twelve-step programs, faith programs, and many others just to see what works for us and makes us feel comfortable. Working on ourselves will help us to see what led us to start using alcohol or drugs in the first place. Alcohol and drugs are usually the symptom and not the root of the problem, whether that be mental health issues, traumas, or other issues that could cause addiction.
Find accountability and connection
Sometimes when starting recovery, we don’t know what the right things to do are. It helps to have people to help guide us and be another point of view when dealing with past and current events and traumas. This could be a therapist, a sponsor, a 12-step group, a peer specialist, a church group, or just anyone who will hold us accountable. And who we can be honest with.
We need to feel our feelings and be able to recognize them for what they are. Sometimes, especially in the beginning of recovery, it’s hard to identify and label our feelings. For a lot of people new to recovery, it’s normal to not feel our feelings and to shut them down. Having an accountable person can help us recognize this and give us suggestions on how to deal with it.
We also need to give ourselves grace and allow ourselves to be where we are and feel what we need to feel. We do not recover overnight! Overanalyzing and overthinking can cause us to become stuck. If we need to reach out to someone, that is okay! We were not meant to do this alone, and in this technological society, we don’t have to!
Practice Self-Care
Self-care is necessary to help us find ourselves. It helps us discover what we like and don’t like. It also helps us learn how we recharge. Some examples of self-care can include:
- Spending time in nature: Spending time in nature improves mental health and well-being. Being out in nature also motivates a person to exercise.
- Journaling and writing: Pick up your pen and just write. Try to set aside some time for journaling daily. Journaling can help release and identify emotion.
- Practicing gratitude: Try to reframe bad situations and look for the positive. Practicing gratitude can help you see your progress and celebrate your wins. It can also build stronger connections in your relationships.
- Practicing setting boundaries: Setting boundaries is an act of self-care. It’s a way to protect ourselves and communicate our needs. Boundaries help our recovery and help teach us about ourselves.
- Working on balance: Finding balance between work, home, self, family, and other activities can be hard. Finding and keeping balance is beneficial to mental health.
- Praying and/ or meditating. Prayer and meditation allow us to connect with our inner selves. Taking care of ourselves spiritually can be considered self-care and is important for our emotional well-being as well.
It’s easy to get busy in this world and forget about taking care of ourselves. But it’s vital that we find time for self-care, and there are many activities we can do.
Find your new “normal”
No matter what our addiction was like, a lot of us in recovery will be getting back to the normal day-to-day life of society. Having a job, restoring relationships, volunteering, family activities, and other normal activities that may have been set aside during our time of addiction. This is a time to try new things. The goal is to build a new life where addiction has no part in it anymore: your new normal.
Here are some activities you may want to try:
- Volunteer. Volunteering is a way to give back to the community. It’s also a way to give back to programs that helped us along the way. We could volunteer for a cause that we believe in. We could volunteer in twelve step work, become a peer coach, at treatment facilities, sober homes or homeless agencies and shelters. There are many places that need volunteers.
- Focus on your health. Our mental and physical health are connected. So it’s a good idea to start getting more physically active , eating a more nutritious diet, and creating a daily routine. You may start by joining a team sport, going to a gym, or going for walks.
- Get a hobby. Try different things and see what you like. For example, you may want to read books, learn an instrument, learn how to cook, start a garden, etc.
- Improve relationships and make new sober relationships. It’s important that we put in the effort to make and improve our relationships. This means making amends and communicating with people we care about. And this can also mean removing ourselves from toxic relationships and maintaining our boundaries.
- Continue the journey in recovery. Just do not quit no matter what! Keep up with whatever is working for your recovery and do not stop.
Rediscovering ourselves is a journey! And we can enjoy and find joy in the journey. Remember to always take it one day at a time—looking forward and not backward. Anything else is overwhelming. Enjoy it!