How can I stop feeling so insecure?

Insecurity is no joke. Insecure feelings can become so powerful that you can begin to feel trapped within your body.  And when we focus too much on our flaws, they become stronger and consume us completely.

Feeling insecure is something everyone goes through. Not many people openly discuss insecurity, which is a huge reason it can be an isolating experience. Thinking about your insecurities can have a devastating impact on your well-being. But just because you think these thoughts doesn’t make them true.

If you’re here, you want to stop feeling this way. And you’ve already taken the most challenging step in seeking help.

Why do I feel insecure?

There’s not just one reason why we feel insecure. Feelings of insecurity are complicated and can come from different sources like social media, the people we know, and even how we see ourselves.

Social Media

Social media is great for keeping in touch with loved ones but can also make us feel pretty bad about ourselves. Scrolling through the remarkable lives and achievements of others can make us feel less attractive, intelligent, and successful than everyone else.

The problem with social media is that people mostly post highlights from their lives, which gives the illusion of perfection. It’s not the whole picture. And we end up feeling less confident about our strengths and unique qualities because it’s easy to focus on what others have that we don’t.

Using social media might also hurt your self-esteem because it’s challenging to tell what’s real and digitally altered online. Photo-editing applications have made it easier than ever to hide natural appearances. And this constant uncertainty about what’s real and what’s not can significantly impact your self-confidence.

While social media can impact your mental health, it can also be a fantastic resource to connect with your community and support system. If used carefully, you can find content and communities online that support you and your healing journey.

Other people

We frequently interact with people who might bring up negative feelings for us. It could be a peer constantly receiving praise from others or a loved one you’re compared to. We can’t control how others react to us, but it still makes us feel lousy when people don’t recognize us for our abilities and achievements.

For a lot of us, it can feel like no one truly sees you for who you are. While we can turn off our phones, we can’t avoid certain social situations. It’s natural to feel insecure when surrounded by people who may not see you for who you are.

Our own self-image

Insecurity sometimes stems from our self-perception. How we see ourselves dramatically impacts our well-being. Developing a positive self-image is tricky. If you already dislike parts of your body or personality, feeling insecure can amplify those thoughts.  Our brains seek evidence confirming beliefs that we already think about ourselves.

Even though you might not realize it, this behavior becomes a way for you to deal with your unresolved emotions. Sometimes, we think nobody loves or finds us attractive. And seeing others who seem to have everything makes us think we’ll never achieve their success or happiness. It can be hard to honestly believe others when they tell us we have no reason to feel insecure, as our insecurities often convince us they are dishonest.

How can I stop feeling insecure?

Insecurity hurts, but it’s possible to manage with the right tools and support. There are a few ways to prevent insecure feelings from becoming too powerful, like detoxing from social media, expressing self-compassion, and reaching out to your support system.

Detoxing from social media

There’s no doubt about it — social media can make us feel more distressed but taking breaks or “vacations” from socials does reduce stress levels. So, one way we can truly heal is to step back. Try setting rules for using social media. For example:

• Use a screen time management tool to limit your time on certain apps or websites.
• Unfollow accounts that make you feel insecure.
• Block or mute profiles of people you can’t unfollow.
• Take a day or two off from social media to detox.

You don’t have to quit social media, but setting some boundaries can stop you from comparing yourself to all the edited photos online. By setting boundaries, you can protect your self-esteem and focus on being confident in who you are.

Self-compassion

Self-compassion recognizes that our suffering and limitations are normal parts of being human. It challenges us not to resort to self-criticism. With self-compassion, we celebrate our big and small wins.  We commit to recognizing and appreciating ourselves and our accomplishments. In many ways, self-compassion is like the medicine that treats low self-esteem.

Self-love is a journey, but online tools can make it more manageable. Tools like this prioritizing self-care worksheet and this detoxing your life worksheet can help you identify the negative influences in your life and how to make positive changes.

Reaching out for support

Reaching out for support when needed is another act of self-compassion. It’s crucial to remember that seeking help is not a sign of weakness but a bold step toward making positive change.

You can talk to a loved one, a friend, a therapist, or even call a warmline. You gain valuable perspectives and insights from others with similar experiences. Sometimes, they’ll even make you question your negative feelings about yourself by disagreeing with them.  Reaching out for support reduces the burden of carrying these thoughts alone. And perspective can help you start to view yourself in a more realistic, kind, or positive light.

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