I wish I was normal

“I wish I was normal” is a difficult feeling to live with. It’s a way for us to internally beat ourselves up. We feel like we’re not good enough, we don’t belong anywhere, and we aren’t deserving or worthy. We might even think things like “If I wasn’t me, then life wouldn’t be so hard.”

But we don’t have to listen to the negative thoughts in our heads. At some point, we all struggle with who we are and compare ourselves to others. While we might feel disconnected from others or wish we were like them, that doesn’t make us any less worthy or deserving of self-love and love from others.

Take time to self-reflect

We find ourselves feeling this way for several reasons. Maybe we want what others have—a better brain, better body, different identity—or we don’t feel special or unique. Or we just want to belong and fit in like everyone else and be seen, heard, and loved by others. And we feel like that can’t happen because of the way we are.

Knowing why we feel this way can help us figure out how we can feel better about ourselves. Below are some reasons why we may have the thought, “I wish I was normal.”

Life experiences

Sometimes the things that we go through in life impact how we feel about ourselves. This is especially true if we have experienced things like trauma, bullying, abuse, or neglect. These adverse experiences can leave us feeling broken. Or like we’re not deserving of the same respect, dignity, love, etc. as everyone else because of what happened to us. But remember, we are not our trauma. We are always deserving simply because we exist.

How we feel about ourselves

How we feel about ourselves can affect our thoughts. For example, if we feel like we hate ourselves, then it makes sense that we wish we were “normal,” or like anybody else. Sometimes we also internalize the things that people say about us, and we turn that anger, hurt, and pain inward. And those feelings and thoughts become the beliefs that we have about ourselves. Know that you always have the power to change your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about yourself. Nothing is set in stone, and you are deserving of self-love.

Our mind and bodies

Wishing that our minds and bodies worked “normally or like everyone else’s” is a valid feeling.  Especially if we live with physical or mental health conditions. This can cause us to feel depressed, worthless, and alone. When we feel this way, it’s important for us to reach out for support. There are people, resources, and places that may help lessen pain, thoughts, and symptoms so we can be our best possible selves.

Comparing ourselves to others

When we compare ourselves to others, we may not feel like we measure up. We might feel weird, awkward, and insecure—and blame ourselves for not being like everyone else. But the saying, “comparison is the thief of joy,” is true. Truthfully, we will not be like anyone else in this world, but that’s not a bad thing. We all have qualities about ourselves that are worth loving and celebrating.

Try not to beat yourself up

When it comes to the thought, “I wish I was normal,” there is an unproductive and productive way to think. For example, if the feeling “I wish I was normal,” allows us to continue to be hard on ourselves, then it’s unhealthy. But if we have the same feeling, but it moves us toward action or helps us identify our needs or wants, then it may be healthy. If we are stuck in an unhealthy thinking trap, then it’s time to shift our unproductive thinking to more productive thinking.

Here are some other thoughts to consider:

• No one is really “normal.” Comparing ourselves to others gets us nowhere. We truly don’t know what someone is going through or experiencing. We see what they let us see on social media and in real life. Everyone has internal struggles that we don’t know about. It’s part of what makes us all human.
• What am I really feeling? Being honest with yourself about what you are really feeling can also help. Identify, acknowledge, and address those feelings. The truth is that wishing that you are normal doesn’t change who you are. It sounds cliché, but accepting yourself for who you are will make you feel better.  When we learn to accept and even love the difficult parts of ourselves, we feel better about ourselves as a whole.
• What’s happening around me? Looking honestly at the people and places that surround us can help us realize that our environment may not be “normal,” healthy, or even safe for us. Instead of looking outside of ourselves, the most important thing is to figure out what your “normal” looks like. What makes you feel good? What gives you energy and makes you happy? Taking time to determine this can help you feel better about yourself going forward.

Giving yourself self-compassion is important. While we may not always get it right or negative thoughts may creep back into our heads, taking steps toward changing our thinking is still progress. When we take the time to shift to more positive thoughts about ourselves and celebrate our wins, successes, and what makes us unique, it feels good.