I can do hard things

There is no instruction manual for how to do hard things. You may start and then need to start again. You may need to change your strategy. There will probably be a lot of trial and error. Even so, don’t give up. Finding your inner warrior takes hard work. It takes perseverance and a growth mindset.

Some days will be a struggle, but that’s okay. It’s human nature to want to find a shortcut to get through difficult circumstances. But if we can learn to deal with our self-doubt, we may be able to step out of our comfort zone and do what is difficult.

There are ways to put your best intentions into action. You don’t have to run from hard things. Learning to rise to the challenge is key to your personal growth.

Wanting to take the easy way out

If a task was easy, you would just do it, right? Putting hard things into action can be difficult. Sometimes, it’s easier to throw your hands up in the air and avoid doing the hard thing because you feel tired, unsure, or helpless.

Avoidance as a coping skill allows you to run away and not deal with difficulty. You may want to stay in a place of comfort to avoid emotions. Wanting to quit doesn’t mean you’re weak. It’s your mind trying to protect itself.

Here are some signs that you might be quitting, giving up, or trying to take the easy way out:

• Not accepting criticism and getting defensive
• Being unwilling to give up control
• Procrastinating
• Giving up easily and letting obstacles stop you in your tracks
• Pulling the covers over your head and retreating
• Being apathetic
• Trying to hide weaknesses by being an inauthentic version of yourself
• Not wanting to go against the crowd, not taking a stand
• Shutting down or going into the abyss/cocoon and separating yourself from the situation

Remember, there’s a difference between quitting because something is hard and quitting because it’s the best thing to do, like leaving a bad job, a toxic relationship, or friendship. It can also be both, that you may need to let go because it’s the right choice for you, and it’s a tough call to make.

To determine your reasons for quitting, you may ask yourself, “What am I trying to achieve?” and “Is this worth it?” It can be easy to give ourselves an out, but it doesn’t set us on the right path. We need to do hard things so we can grow and accomplish our goals, even if it scares us.

Overcoming fear

Fear and self-doubt can leave you frozen in place. Failure is not final or fatal. It’s the courage to continue that counts. If you fear being judged by others, you may have a hard time starting to do challenging things. You might worry that failure will mess up your reputation or that others will think poorly of you.

Don’t feel you always have to stay strong and keep fighting. It’s okay to give yourself a break and begin again.

In life, there will always be ups and downs, highs and lows. It’s interesting to note that neuroimaging of the brain shows more activity when we do something with higher effort when compared to lower. [1] Minding your mood and overcoming the negative spiral is easier said than done, but possible.

There are useful methods to overcome fear and get on the road to accomplishing your goals:

• Have a growth mindset by believing in yourself
• Take time to rest and recharge mentally and physically
• Use coping skills to help you manage your emotions
• Ask for help and use all the support available to yourself
• Look for the tiny, positive moments and possibilities, even in hard times
• Learn from both triumphs and failures
• Don’t give in to automatic/negative thinking. Ask yourself what feels realistic.
• Practice consistent habits and maintain progress even when you’re tired of trying
• Use affirmation quotes and post them around the house
• Create a vision board of things you would love to be and do
• Indulge in motivating movies, books, and songs

You don’t have to let fear run your life. There are lots of hacks to get around situations that stop you in your tracks. Putting them into action will lead to success.

Bring it on: doing the hard thing

It’s an uphill battle to stop talking about doing things and actually getting them done.

Making slow progress but refusing to quit allows you to keep moving forward. You’ll see stressful situations as challenges, not threats. Hard things will take longer than you think and will take more work than you might want to do, but the reward of a job well done is the prize.

There are many things you can do to make hard things easier:

• Motivate yourself to reach small, doable goals
• Break a task down into bite-size chunks
• Take it one day or even one hour at a time
• Push yourself to work harder and embrace challenges
• Allow yourself to tap into your ability to be resilient
• Use the power of collaboration for things too hard to be done alone
• Embrace change and let resistance turn into personal growth/development/transformation
• Keep a positive state of mind over circumstances
• Seek support when you need it
• Give yourself permission to rest

It feels good to summon up your courage and do what’s hard. You can challenge yourself to come up with various ways to come out on top. You may even find that it helps to practice self-compassion when pushing yourself to victory.

Cultivating self-kindness

Being kind to yourself is one of the hardest things to do sometimes.  It’s natural to be your own worst critic, but you can give yourself gold stars for even the smallest effort.  Reward yourself with little gifts that make you happy.  Remember to pay attention to your feelings and honor them.  Know that you have value that builds you up in many ways.

You can learn to enjoy the journey regardless of the destination, by doing the following:

• Start with thankfulness and store it up for a rainy day
• Develop a gratitude practice
• Learn to cherish downtime
• Plan for plenty of rest/time-out
• Practice affirmations: you are brave, smart, strong, courageous, capable, loved
• Take time to be thoughtful rather than reacting harshly
• Be innovative and have incentives- rewards that bring you joy
• Think about happy memories
• Practice powerful self-talk, like “I’m an awesome person, and I feel good now!”

You can do hard things if you have the right frame of mind, avoid avoidance, and overcome your fears. You can also develop ways to be kind to yourself as you accomplish difficult tasks in your life.

It doesn’t have to happen all at once. It can be as deliberate as you want.  The rewards are great when you can overcome obstacles and reach for your dreams.  It’s worth every bit of your effort to take that first step.

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